Sometimes it stops, sometimes it flows… but that is how love goes

Although the L word gets thrown around a lot in relationships, the truth is that love tends to go through somewhat of a pattern. One day it feels really intense while another day it seems to fade away. Women would rarely admit this during the relationship because they fear it might trigger off a break-up, but many times it’s rather evident. That doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is going downhill, however if it occurs frequently then it’s probably a different story.

It is a sensitive subject and is not often the topic of discussion. In fact it is almost like a secret everyone tries to keep to themselves. Sometimes we find ourselves absorbed with personal issues, other times we might disagree on something and argue relentlessly, or else we may simply feel like we need our own space for a while. During such times it’s not easy to deal with intimacy. There’s only so much we can take in at once, and if we’re caught up in thought, be it a personal problem or a recent argument it can definitely hinder the feelings we have towards our significant other.

Perhaps it just doesn’t seem rational to most people how feelings can appear to change so drastically in such a short time. There are things in life which we just cannot always grasp, but sometimes you have to accept them the way they are and move on.

Oceans Apart

There's no question that relationships these days have somewhat evolved, but have they become easier, more interesting, or simply complicated?

People have different views on this, but when a couple is geographically separated there are few directions the relationship can go. It either builds up strength or completely collapses. Time is normally what determines the faith of any relationship. However I believe it is completely wrong for people to say that once they’re distant from their significant other things get out of control. We have control on every decision we take and every move we make. So why blame it on the ocean?

Perhaps for some it becomes a convenient excuse without really having to reveal their true motive. Distance is not always easy to deal with but certainly not impossible. If a couple is individually in doubt then more often than not it will just be a memory by sunset. Whereas a proper understanding of what each person involved is truly looking for can make it through the roughest seas.

Priorities…

Well we have all heard this word over and over, but how often do we stop and contemplate the priorities in our life? What are the fundamentals and what should be on the top of our priority list?

Many people claim to have different priorities in their life but then very few people seem to be totally satisfied if their love life is lacking. So what does that tell you, shouldn't love really be the priority?

We all go through stages in our life and it’s very often a cycle, however I feel many people, especially those involved in somewhat of a long term relationship tend to place their love life on the back burner way too often. This is predominantly a guy thing, but not exclusively.

Many times the dispute seems to be over the fact that men claim they have a responsibility to provide a living for themselves and their significant other. Although it is essential to have a decent income to live well it becomes a little pointless when the process of generating that income is shattering everything else in your life.

So what is the secret to live a good all round life? The secret is learning what’s really important to you. Discovering what really makes a difference to your everyday life and placing them on the top of your priority list. I guess it’s really a matter of striking a balance.

Woman’s best friend?

So what’s happened to simply going out and buying a new handbag and a pair shoes after a break-up? It seems nowadays women are seeking comfort in slightly larger accessories.

There’s no question that for most women a break-up can be hard to deal with. While some tend to almost immediately bounce onto some other guy, many others make use of this time to discover themselves, some take that discovery process a step further and go through an entire wardrobe transformation and often also change their ride.

It would very prejudiced to say that this is a woman’s thing though, matter of fact numerous men give extreme importance to the car they drive, and it’s certainly not because they want to ensure a comfortable ride wherever they go. The reason is that some men believe others could possibly envision the car they drive as an extension to their personality. More often than not of course this couldn’t be further from the truth. Cars these days are almost like shields for many people, used to protect the vulnerable and insecure person beneath.

People in general are competitive in their everyday life, and every man and woman likes attention, particularly from the opposite sex. What most fail to understand is that the way you work for that attention is not in the office or at a construction site, but by developing a well rounded person who’s confident and ready to confront the world.

Summer lovin’

So what is it with summer that revives romance? Could it just be the warmer climate that sometimes makes us react in a different manner?

There’s something sensual about being on a beach, and it’s not just the weightless clothing, but perhaps it’s more about being in an all natural environment which for many has become somewhat of a rare thing these days.

Somehow in summer people tend to turn to the simpler things in life, and it’s quite evident that almost everyone finds this season more pleasant in spite of the extreme temperatures certain parts of the world experience. Summer is a time which is all about the outdoors and with a little thought and planning can be a very romantic time of year.

It’s that connection with nature which often amplifies the romance. This is why so many people envision their honeymoon or romantic escape on some remote island surrounded with palm trees, cliffs and beautiful beaches. In a way it’s going back to basics, forgetting about all the high rise buildings which include all amenities possible, luxury cars, cellular phones and everything else we have become addicted to.

Sometimes you need to remind yourself that it’s all about romance…

Opposites attract

You’ve probably heard this over and over again, but do opposites really attract? Does this statement make any sense at all?

Perhaps it’s true in some cases but it’s definitely not the rule. What happens often is that curiosity overrides our true emotions and drives people to venture into something which seems interesting or mysterious. It rarely lasts a lifetime, in fact I believe more often than not it’s very much a temporary thing which eventually fades away.

There’s no question that it is human nature to explore and discover, however when it comes to relationships on daily basis it is crucial that a couple does share similar interests in some way or another. There’s enough compromise between a man and a woman under normal circumstances, let alone when they are seen as opposites. Simple things such as following a similar diet plan or a regular exercise regime can make life a lot more pleasant and easier.

How can you possibly merge two completely different lifestyles? Unless someone decides to change I’m bound to believe it will only last as long as the initial attraction does.

Work it out

Alright so let me begin by saying this is not about getting in shape for the summer or anything like that. What I’m talking about here is making the effort to work around a relationship that sometimes may find itself going downhill.

We all like to envision a life which somewhat mimics a romance novel, however we also need to understand that there are external factors in life which sometimes disturb our prime instinct. Many people experience a substantial amount of anxiety in their everyday life which could very easily influence their mood and often produce impulsive behavior. That’s just human nature I guess, but nevertheless it should be controlled.

Since we cannot always be pro-active and determine our next move we need to at least learn to recognize our mistakes, and of course rectify. That is what will really get us through the day. It is a fact that relationships are not always easy to maintain. Problems arise sometimes and things could get complicated, however there are also many instances where we find ourselves complicating matters and creating problems for no valid reason.

The truth is a relationship can be very simple. If there is significant chemistry between two people, and of course the situation still makes sense then there really is nothing else to it. Occasionally perhaps you go through some rough times, but you work it out and you move on …and just like a romance novel, you both live happily ever after.

A matter of time?

People say you need to allow a relationship time to really understand its value. So just how much time is needed then?

In a city like New York where nobody wastes a single minute you learn that our time really is precious. A survey carried out in the United States revealed that over 30% of marriages take place after a couple dates for 1 to 2 years. 15% occur after dating for less than 1 year, and almost 20% after 6 months or less. After reading these statistics many will probably argue that it’s no wonder the divorce rate in America is so high. This same survey also disclosed that over 73% of these couples lived together before getting married.

Yes I believe that every relationship is different, but furthermore that is because we tend to change throughout the years. We discover more about ourselves, what we like and dislike. We understand our boundaries, what is acceptable to us and what is not. It is a combination of strong chemistry along with somewhat of a methodological assessment.

The physical attraction is not enough, we need to also be practical when we evaluate our compatibility. In a way it is like using a risk meter to measure the odds. The potential of a relationship to some extent can be established within weeks, provided both are honest and obviously spend a reasonable amount of time together.

Making the move

It’s almost a rule that a man should take the first step towards a woman. Similarly it’s as though some consider it an indignity for a woman to approach a man she is attracted to.

Well in ancient Rome and many other civilizations women had practically no rights over their children or themselves. Women could never overrule what their husband would say, even in the decision of whether or not to have children.

Things have clearly changed now in most countries, however the custom somehow still seems to exist although in a much more lenient form. Most women are still not comfortable expressing their sexuality in public, and it seems like it is still somewhat of an exception for a woman to make her move on a man.

Women want to be desired and one reason they hold back is the assumption that they would appear less available. What some fail to understand though is that sometimes unless they make that move nothing will ever transpire. The potential of a relationship is not always evident to a man, especially someone who is looking to avoid that commitment.

There’s no question that it requires some self confidence for a woman to walk up to a man she finds attractive, and even if it only lasts one night I assure you the impression will live on.

Nothing is real until it’s gone…

It’s a sad reality that people tend to take so much for granted in life. Yes we are living in a fast and competitive world, but now does that justify anything?

The truth is routine gives people a sense of security, however it is that very same routine which creates a disregard for certain things in life. When something is fresh we almost give our undivided attention, a few weeks or months go by and we hardly acknowledge anymore. Relationships evidently are no exception.

I could come up with a number of different reasons why this occurs, but I have no question that there is one way of really knowing what something means to us. Sometimes it might just be too late, but when something is not around anymore we suddenly begin to evaluate what we had. It does not have to be a separation or divorce to learn the value of a relationship. Living distant temporarily can bring out the real emotions and help discover an aspect you have not quite seen or experienced before.

So it really is about learning to appreciate everything we have this very moment. Not tomorrow or even in an hour, but right now. This is your life and it is ending one minute at a time.

Love on 5th Avenue

I was walking down 5th avenue a few minutes ago when out of the blue I found myself asking "Can people really find love around here?"

With a population density of almost 67,000 people per square mile Manhattan is a place where variety is certainly not lacking. There are thousands of people walking across town every day. Here you will come across every possible look and style… but is it really just about finding the look or style that you consider attractive?

As much as I like living here in New York City the truth is everyone in this place seems to be searching for fame and fortune rather than just a pleasant and prosperous life. It appears that many struggle simply to get by each day, and if they get laid off work it might just be a matter of time before they get evicted.

So how could people expect to find genuine love in this joint?

Whether they live in denial or simply accept the reality for what it is I believe at some point everyone wants to experience a true romance and discover that person who will change their world.

They call Manhattan the city that never sleeps, perhaps that is because none dares to ever close their eyes and set themselves free for one minute.

Looking for your soulmate?

Well listen to this, there are web sites claiming they can help you find your soulmate. A psychic will apparently cast a spell which will speed up the process of finding your soulmate, and all this for as little as $25. It might sound hilarious at first, but when you see that individuals like this are still in business it can become somewhat of a concern.

Many people seem to believe that their soulmate is lingering somewhere, and that it is only a matter of time for them to meet. But what exactly is a soulmate anyway?

The concept of a soulmate actually goes back to the belief in reincarnation. It is someone that supposedly you have encountered and loved in many different lifetimes. It is for this reason that the very first time you meet them in this life you feel as though you have known them forever. There is a mystical déjà vu energy right from the start.

So how far off is your interpretation of a soulmate now?

The idea most people have is that a soulmate is simply a person they are a 100% compatible with. Someone they can feel totally comfortable having around in any situation and setting.

I guess what many are missing is the fact that people change throughout the years. That is not necessarily a negative thing but every relationship is bound to go through a few rough patches. It is the way you decide to deal with it that makes it work or fall apart. Soulmates or not a relationship will always require dedication to keep it going. Yes character compatibility is crucial for a healthy relationship, and I believe everyone could find somebody who can understand them more. However you have to be realistic and know you cannot expect others to read your mind at all times.

Is cupid still alive?

So Valentine’s Day comes along and suddenly every couple is supposed to act like they’ve just been struck by love. As though nothing else matters anymore other that their partner.

You ask most women and they’ll tell you Valentine’s Day is special, but none will really give you a reason why. Men on the other hand will tell you it’s a day like any other and don’t see what all the fuss is about.

Saint Valentine was supposedly a priest who during the third century in Rome secretly performed marriages for young lovers in a time when it was prohibited by the Emperor. He was sentenced to death when these actions were later discovered.

So how are people interpreting this day? What has going out for a romantic dinner got to do with all this? 

Well here’s what I believe. Women generally put a lot more effort into relationships, and often have a hard time keeping that anticipation alive. Saint Valentine’s is a great day to revitalize what might have somewhat faded away throughout the previous months. So in a way it's almost as though the couple are discreetly renewing their vows.

Now although I personally don’t see why one should wait for February 14 to express some affection it’s a good day to assess what’s happening in the romance department. Therefore planning that romantic dinner or perhaps just some quality time is probably quite beneficial after all.

Sex, love and chocolate

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and according to the National Confectioners Association in Santa Barbara, California each year particulary over this period Americans spend over $1.1 billion on candy, 75% of which is chocolate.

So what’s the deal with chocolate? Most women say they love it, some even claim it’s better than sex. Not really something men would state I guess, or at least not so openly. A brief research conducted by Dr. Andrew Scott, a student at UCL London reveals that it’s suspected phenylethylamine which is one of the compounds found in cocoa causes an emotional high similar to being in love. It stimulates the nervous system and increases the heart rate and blood pressure.

A chemical also known to be released in the brain when eating chocolate is serotonin, which gives a sense of well-being. Chocolate also helps women relieve stress and get in a romantic mood, which normally results in more sensual and passionate sex.

So should chocolate be classified as a drug or food? and is it just women who posses this craving?

Personally I believe it is neither of the two, and in spite of what some people claim it is in no way addictive. It’s the combination of sugar and fat which makes the flavor of chocolate so desirable not the compounds it contains.

Similarly men crave for sugar and fat occasionally. Perhaps not as often as women who due to their menstrual cycle end up with a frequent hormone imbalance, this creates the famous mood swings and that is when the craving reaches its peak. Most men wouldn’t admit that they sometimes crave chocolate as well, the reason is that it can be interpreted as a weakness, which is obviously something men desperately attempt to obscure.

There’s clearly something sensual about chocolate, probably the fact that it melts at just above body temperature. However, next time your date, boyfriend or husband offers you chocolate know that there could very well be an underlying reason.

It's a material world

We are living in a world which is somewhat dominated by aesthetics. A world where men and women practically compete on a daily basis to look their best. Having said that a large percentage of women simply adore the idea of dressing up in the latest fashion, accessories and jewelry. Many women also strive to look sexy and attractive for their partner.

With most men things are a little different though. Many guys try to use material items to attract the opposite sex. In fact some believe it’s almost like a mathematical formula to the sound of unlimited credit card + expensive car = attractive female. I’m convinced it could work for some but in my opinion the catch wouldn’t really be worth the chase.

This is the 21st century, where everyone wants to be in the public eye and celebrities seem to rule the world. Lindsay Lohan is seen wearing a Louis Vuitton bag and suddenly every girl wants one just like it. Britney Spears has made the color white a trend in sports cars and sport utility vehicles after making headlines with her white Mercedes and Range Rover.

There’s nothing wrong with men and women being into material things, I’m absolutely fine with that. Driving a stylish sports car, dressing up in high end designer wear and jewelry can be appealing, however if your date is found trying to check out the tag on your underwear then it might be a little too much.

Fashion is absolutely great if used correctly and doesn’t become an obsession. Yes people can certainly enhance their appearance and look more attractive wearing the right clothing and accessories, but these days it seems as though the label is given more importance than the attire itself. Similarly the car seems to be getting more attention than the person behind the wheel.

Call him Mr.Vain?

So just how aware are men about their appearance? Let me spell it out for you V-E-R-Y

Likewise so are women of course, but they get away with it, because they’re women. Double standards… whatever! Men on the other hand get tagged if they project that vision. No I’m talking about getting tagged on MySpace or facebook, I’m saying people will keep mentioning that he is a vain person. Possibly even call him narcissistic or gay!

Oh yeah… I get that all the time. Does it bother me? Absolutely not. It’s my job and I get paid to maintain my appearance, but obviously some people don’t appreciate that.

The truth is all men are vain irrelevant of what they try to exhibit. The same way every woman enjoys a man lusting over her, men want to be physically desired by women. It is our instinct to seduce in order to obtain sex and besides everyone takes pleasure in being the object of fantasy. It is also a fact that women lust just as much as men do. 

There is an obvious reason why men on the covers of romance novels look the way they do. Similarly girls on the cover of playboy magazine all look a certain way, to put it mildly.

It’s a game of seduction whether you acknowledge it or not. Many men live in denial though and sometimes attempt to compensate for the lack of self confidence with material assets such as cars. 

The definition of the word vain is excessively proud or concerned about one’s appearance. In my opinion this word often gets thrown around without much thought, because really, who isn’t concerned about their appearance?!

It started with a kiss…

Okay so perhaps nothing else really happened between Britney Spears and Madonna after the infamous kiss, however it’s a different story when it comes to real romance. The importance of a kiss may often be overlooked. 

Most men see kissing simply as a gateway to sex, women on the other hand evaluate a man by the way he kisses. Many women in fact actually state that unless the guy is a good kisser it’s going to take him quite a while to get her into bed. This is because most women are stimulated faster by kissing than any other physical activity. 

So now if every romance starts with a kiss, shouldn’t that be enough to depict the importance of this act?

A lot of men wouldn’t confess this but initially the way a girl kisses is very important to us too. Perhaps because it’s really in a man’s subconscious. I guess it gives us an indication on how passionate she is, which would then possibly translate to her bedroom skills. As a relationship develops it seems that many men somewhat lose interest in kissing and would much rather move straight on to sex, in contrast to women who continue to make kissing a priority.

I believe kissing is essential to maintain a healthy relationship, and the minute it begins to feel unnecessary then obviously something’s wrong.