Friday, April 10, 2009

Making the move

It’s almost a rule that a man should take the first step towards a woman. Similarly it’s as though some consider it an indignity for a woman to approach a man she is attracted to.

Well in ancient Rome and many other civilizations women had practically no rights over their children or themselves. Women could never overrule what their husband would say, even in the decision of whether or not to have children.

Things have clearly changed now in most countries, however the custom somehow still seems to exist although in a much more lenient form. Most women are still not comfortable expressing their sexuality in public, and it seems like it is still somewhat of an exception for a woman to make her move on a man.

Women want to be desired and one reason they hold back is the assumption that they would appear less available. What some fail to understand though is that sometimes unless they make that move nothing will ever transpire. The potential of a relationship is not always evident to a man, especially someone who is looking to avoid that commitment.

There’s no question that it requires some self confidence for a woman to walk up to a man she finds attractive, and even if it only lasts one night I assure you the impression will live on.


  1. You always write thought provoking posts. I love getting man's take on the situation.

  2. Guess I'm a little off..or a little to forward.If I decide that I truly find someone interesting then I will let it be known to them.
    Your right about things not always being evident to a man.Sometimes they can't see what is right in front of their nose...hehe ((Sorry Andrei))

    So girls don't be afraid of letting someone know.((It doesn't make you a bad girl!!)) it might be a night that you will never forget.



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  5. This is even more difficult if the woman is shy. However, as you say, if she doesn't, how is he to know she is interested?

  6. LaBelleDameSansRegrets429April 12, 2009 at 5:36 PM

    I disagree...oh, yes, I do...

    If a woman approaches a man (especially a man who is admired, handsome, popular, etc) she'll be seen as being number 987,462.4 out of however many others that make their interest known. Therefore, you'll completely be out of the running if you show overt interest. Flirting, fine, but more than that? You're bunched with the rest, and you become another pretty face in the crowd.

    I believe that men don't appreciate what they don't have to take a risk for. I've seen it happen so often with my friends - heck, even in my own life. The approach sets a precedent for everything else, so it doesn't work to be too open.

  7. having read all your blogs i have to say you are very wise and i totally agree with them all!!!

  8. This question exists forever. In Rome or Athens, where by the way women really had no rights, and now. But now we get a freedom and raise the question what to do? To tell the truth I will never be the first who will show the interest. My freinds call it modesty. I don't agree with them but they don't know about it.
    Men and women have the same problem: they afraid to be refused. And I don't judge them. But maybe I am not right and women who afraid to show interest firts lose more than they think?

  9. Sad, but most women over the age of 30 were drilled on the "rules" that if a woman seems too interested, the guy will shy away. And women over 40 are definitely in that category.
    It's all in the training.

    Most of the men-friends (men who are friends not bed-buddies) I have tell me they appreciate a challenge, but they don't appreciate a "No Touchy No Feely"" sign plastered across a woman's forehead. Men I know freely admit that egos can be fragile, even in the most sought-after guys. A simple touch on the shoulder or a brush of a hand over a chest can be amazingly interesting without having to jump on a guy and try to hump him. And a touch does not have to be sexual...just "I know you're there and I like you".

  10. It's really sad that most men and women don't know how to give a signal that is comfortable and friendly to open the way to a possible friendship, or romance. Many of my men-friends (friends-who-are-men-but-not-bed-buddies) have admitted to me that they like a bit of a challenge, but when a woman pastes a "Don't Touch Me" sign on her forehead, they take that seriously. They also tell me that if some woman grabs their butt, they also take that seriously... Some say that actually turns them off.

    I like to touch. Not grabbing a guy's butt, because that's too overt a statement (I want you now!) but just a warm hand shake, or a hand on the arm gently when talking. (I only grab the butts of men I know well and who like me a lot.) Showing genuine interest in his conversation subject and not just ogling the poor guy. No arms crossed tightly over your chest because you're dead shy! Body language is the oldest forms of communication. A gentle sweep of a hand softly across a man's wrist or forearm can do as much to a libido as that butt grab. :)

    Many men don't feel comfy touching a woman until he knows it's okay. My men friends admit that egos can be pretty fragile, even in men you'd think were supremely self-confident.

    And if all else fails, there's that butt-grab.

  11. In some cases,if a women makes too strong of a move,guys might think she's either too pushy or a slut.On the other hand,if you are too shy,then they tend to overlook the signals you are sending.I think most guys are more turned on by the chase.As long as you show your interest in them,they will give you the run around.As soon as you "lose" interest,then all of a sudden they are beside themselves doing whatever it takes to get you back in the game.
    Guys have been playing the game for centuries.Now that we have turned it around on them,they have to rethink the rules of the game.Don't let them fool you ladies,no matter how much it drives them crazy,they love every minute of it.At least in my experience.

    That is the best lasting impression they can have.It's called "Head Games".They've been doing it forever,it's about time for us to be able to give it back to them!

  12. I find it difficult to just walk up to a man and start "small talk". I might find him very attractive and would like the casual meeting to take a very different direction, but I believe the main reason for me refraining would be the possibility of being turned down than looking like I was less available in his eyes. Let's face it, I'm not the most outgoing person. I do have a lot of fears and low esteem. But I am getting better and meeting people at the RT conventions is helping me overcome some of my shyness.