Sunday, April 26, 2009

A matter of time?

People say you need to allow a relationship time to really understand its value. So just how much time is needed then?

In a city like New York where nobody wastes a single minute you learn that our time really is precious. A survey carried out in the United States revealed that over 30% of marriages take place after a couple dates for 1 to 2 years. 15% occur after dating for less than 1 year, and almost 20% after 6 months or less. After reading these statistics many will probably argue that it’s no wonder the divorce rate in America is so high. This same survey also disclosed that over 73% of these couples lived together before getting married.

Yes I believe that every relationship is different, but furthermore that is because we tend to change throughout the years. We discover more about ourselves, what we like and dislike. We understand our boundaries, what is acceptable to us and what is not. It is a combination of strong chemistry along with somewhat of a methodological assessment.

The physical attraction is not enough, we need to also be practical when we evaluate our compatibility. In a way it is like using a risk meter to measure the odds. The potential of a relationship to some extent can be established within weeks, provided both are honest and obviously spend a reasonable amount of time together.


  1. very true Andei, physical beauty can fade over time, a relationship has to be based on more than just that if it is going to last.

  2. Honesty is essential, not just with each other but with ourselves. We do change, goals and needs and desires change. And sometimes the honest and most loving thing to do is to say this relationship has run its course, it is time for both of us to move on. Those who truly do love us, want us to be happy, even if that means we are with someone else.

    Andrei, if you could develop a risk meter for relationships, you could probably retire a billionare within a month. ;-)

  3. Divorce in today's society is almost a certainty. Those who "make it" are the exception rather than "the rule" and of the first one has to see how many of them are actually marriages of convenience.

    thing is a man marries a woman hoping she never changes (and she does) and a woman marries a man hoping that she will change him - and he doesnt.....


  4. hmmm, interesting post. As someone who has been married for 19 years (half my life), I find this post intriguing. My husband & I dated for 3 years prior to getting married. We never lived together prior to marriage. My parents have been married for 40 years. My husband's parents for 45 years. My grandparents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary last October.

    I interviewed my grandparents for an article I wrote on them/their 6oth for my local paper and this is what my grandmother said about how they'd made a marriage work for so many years. "You just don't ever consider that it might not work. You know that there is going to be good times and bad times, but at no point do you consider that there is going to be a time when you won't be sharing those good and bad times."

    I think few people commit to anything these days. Whether it's to another person, to a dream, to a career--you name it. As a society, in general, we give up too easily or want what's on the other side of the fence--at least that's my opinion for whatever that is worth.

    Excellent thought provoking post. :)

  5. Those are certainly words of wisdom. It's a great philosophy, no wonder they've celebrated a 60th wedding anniversary.

    Yes, unfortunately commitment has become a luxury these days.

  6. Problem nowadays is that marriage is considered as a contract. An agreement. It isn’t. Marriage is a commitment between two people to support each other in the good and the bad times. Trouble is nobody wants to stick around during the bad times and just like a failed "merger" heads must roll and divorce papers hastily signed. Marriage is give and take and distribution can never be 50 - 50. Sometimes one needs to give more, sometimes one needs to receive more support.

    Keep healthy,

    Joseph Calleja

  7. That's true, and perhaps this is why a "trial" period sometimes makes sense prior to marriage.

  8. It seems everything changes. At least we are living in a time where pre-arranged marriages doesn't exist anymore. When I was younger, we did't have the luxury of a "trial marriage" by living together first. That was unheard of and very much frowned upon. Brides were supposed to be virgins. Marriage was supposed to last until one or the other passed.
    I'm not saying change is a bad thing. In today's society, commitment is hard to come by. It seems that most people are looking for the most convenient way something will work for them. Albiet living together or taking the big step and getting married. Everyone is so concerned about what's mine is mine and not what's ours.
    Marriage is a two way street. It is something that has to be worked at on a daily basis. Taking the good with the bad. Anything worth having takes work. It seems nowadays that it's easier to give up and get divorced than to work things out. There will always be someone who is more good looking, richer and wiser than the one we chose. One just needs to decide what is important to them.

  9. Very well said Julianne.

  10. Absolutely agree, Julianne.