Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Why is it always about sex?

So what is it with men always wanting sex? Is a man’s sex drive simply uncontrollable? 

Well first of all not all men or women have an equal sex drive. In fact sex drive is quite an individual issue, although generally in men it’s known to be rather high. There are other factors which effect both males and females. Such as people who maintain a healthy lifestyle, exercise regularly and avoid the consumption of alcohol, cigarettes and drugs tend to have a higher sex drive than individuals who neglect their nutrition and health in general. There are many instances where a woman is actually more sexually driven than the man, however women somehow seem to be much more in control and most times would only have sex if they feel it’s appropriate or are totally infatuated. 
So is it always men who initiate sex? Perhaps not always but a good 90% of the time it is. Why? 

Sex is also a means of expression, one which men find extremely convenient. Whereas a woman might feel she’s connecting with her partner by laying in bed at night and talking about everything that occurred during the day a man would much rather just get down to business roll over and sleep. 

The problem is that most men have trouble expressing themselves verbally so often sex appears like the ideal substitute. Many times it’s simply the physical attraction which creates that sexual desire in a man, and it’s absolutely no reason for a woman to feel insulted.


  1. LaBelleDameSansRegret429November 26, 2008 at 10:19 AM

    It's good to be a woman.:) I love the fact that we wield an incredible amount of sexual power. Oh, plus we don't have body parts that betray us at inopportune times, LOL. Vive la difference...

  2. Definitely good to be a woman with a little more control. I love the honesty of the last line - it's probably my favorite. It makes me feel a little less shallow for wanting to find someone I'm physically attracted to.

  3. Great blog! Thanks for inviting me over. I think more and more women initiate sex now. Or at least they do in my books! LOL!

    But to me, sex is an expression of love. So while physical attraction is definitely a big part of it, I think real closeness comes when a couple shares a connection outside the bedroom.

    Have a great Thanksgiving!


  4. Why does it always have to be about sex?Don't men know how to cuddle anymore?If we had more romance then guys would be able to have more sex.

  5. LaBelleDameSansRegret429November 27, 2008 at 7:31 AM

    Good point, swtchx69. I don't think that men get the causative factors sometimes. The best sex isn't the product of instant gratification!

  6. Great insight into the topic, Andrei. And I agree--a man expressing sexual desire for a woman is no reason for her to feel insulted ;)

  7. "Get down to business, roll over and sleep". Hmm.. when it's put that way, sorry to tell you, but that is insulting to a woman. We love to cuddle, but more often than not, the man does want to just get down to business. Physical attraction is good from the man's point of view, but the woman wants and needs the closeness before, during and after sex.

  8. Okay, perhaps the "roll over and sleep" part seems a little insulting, you're right, but the truth is what it is. Now that's where compromise comes in.

  9. Sex drive is often high in women too, we just express ourselves differently. Women have been taught to be ladylike, men are allowed to show their animal-like side. Times are changing though and women are tapping into their sensuality in record numbers. Exotic dance classes for fitness are offering new and exciting ways for us to unleash our passion. Watch out men!

  10. for me. I don't know that the reason why I don't have sex is because I am in better control. But because I was afraid of what others would think of me if I did have it. Especially since I am single. Like the last time I did it (which was 12-13 years ago) I was made to feel like I did something terrible, by people who were younger than me and sexxually active themselves. But when I not engaging, I get looked at like I am some weirdo. But now I am more confidiant, no one offers that I am interested in. LOL I think if you were raised up that the act of sex was normal thing that goes on between two people who are in love and committed to each other. You will feel it is natural joining and you be relaxed about it.

  11. Hmmm...I must be a man.

    All of the things you described sounded more like MY modus operandi rather than the feminine example. If I'm in the mood to have sex, I want to have sex. I don't want to hear about how you beat Larry on the basketball court or why your mother doesn't understand why you date me.

    I would rather get "down to business" and spend hours doing it rather than wasting time on idle banter. If I'm having sex with you then I'm into you, we've definitely connected then there shouldn't be anymore need to close the deal.

    And don't get me started on the afterwards. When I have sex, I really get into it, so I'm usually too worn out so I do roll over and fall asleep.

    Another great post Andrei:)

    Koko Brown

  12. LaBelleDameSansRegret429November 28, 2008 at 1:14 PM

    Not for nothing, but I can understand rolling over and falling asleep. That's the way it should be if both partners do a good, thorough job...

    Now, as far as using sex as a communications crutch - that's a mark of immaturity and insecurity, but everyone is guilty of doing it at some point. Attractive people, especially, may lean on their sex appeal to get by. It's common and easy to do (I know). But the dirty deed is no substitute for being truly emotionally intimate.

    And there's nothing hotter than knowing that someone desires you. It's never an insult, unless the guy is a complete dirtball who chooses to resort to bad pickup lines. All bets are off at that point. Muahahaha.

  13. Sex is not just about the physical act.It is about connecting on a much deeper level.Men can have sex and think nothing of it.Women need more of the emotional connection to enhance the physical aspect of it.We can't be pressured into it,we have to do it because we want to.Not because it's our "duty" to our partner.

  14. I guess I have to play devil's advocate here, sxtchx69. I don't agree that every woman needs to have an emotional connection to their partner to enhance the physical aspect of sex.

    Why can't women just have great sex for sexes sake to have the big O with absolutely no emotions/feelings involved?

    Koko Brown

  15. I'm with you Koko. Even though I am one of those women who is more in tune with the emotional connection as far as sex goes it's not a crime for a woman to want sex just because it's ohhh so good. You're right switch69 most men, not all, can have sex and think of nothing of it except the physical pleasure. But if they can why can't a woman be the same way? No reason I can tell. Great blog Andrei *hugs*

  16. Of course this is just my opinion, but if the man is wanting sex all the time I would think that would be a good thing. I've never understood why women complain about that. To be desired is a great compliment which should make a woman feel that glow.

    And if he wants to roll over and sleep and she wants to cuddle, why not curl up like spoons and both can be happy?

    The bedroom should be an oasis from the world, not the place for big discussions before or after sex. How can either one relax together with that going on? (And if she can't have discussions with him at other times then why is she sleeping with him?) I also don't believe in having phones in the bedroom, or watching the news in bed.

    And sure, women can also have the big O without emotions being involved, otherwise there wouldn't be so many women traveling with their handy sexy toys. (I worked in the travel business and yes they do.) Sex can be just sex.

    But why settle? Why not live life with passion and go for it all?

  17. I guess my point is coming off wrong.To me there is more to life than just sex.It should be more about quality than quantity.If the other person(man or woman)worried about pleasing their partner as much as themselves, sex would be more enjoyable for both of them.Why do you think it is called "making love".Apparently more men need to learn to tune more into their partners needs as much as their own.

    Thanx Andrei for letting us get together to discuss this sensitive subject;)

  18. Great points everyone. I think sex and making love are not necessarily the same thing. Sex might be just that, a wham-bam-thank-you-sir session after which you roll over and go to sleep. Making love, on the other hand, is sex that includes the before, during and after connection--both physical and emotional. You can have sex without making love and if it is sex for the sake of sex only, the emotional connections might be unimportant. When you say you want sex but really want to make love, then you might be dissatisfied after the fact.

  19. I so agree with Cathy m's comments. Sex for the sake of sex can be great and one doesn't really need that emotional connection as much. Making love, however should be more intimate with a purpose of expressing feelings. There are situations for both making love and having sex.
    As for the men having the higher drive?? I must be a freak of nature. All the relationships I've been involved in, I've had the higher sex drive. I have been overweight most of my adult life and have always been ready for "it" anytime, anyplace, anywhere.
    I have also been the one to initiate sex more than the man.
    I really don't have a problem with the rolling over and going to sleep afterward part. Its going to sleep during that I have a problem with.
    I also believe that men have a hard time expressing their feelings into words so it's much easier for them to just engage in sex instead.
    I don't think I would feel insulted if a man wanted to have sex with me. Actually, I think I'd be flattered. As for the remark of getting down to business and rolling over and falling asleep being insulting, I was not insulted by it. As you say Andrei, the truth is what it is. Excellent topic Andrei.

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