Wednesday, December 3, 2008

"No strings attached" Is it a contemporary approach or simply an outrage?

Although I’m pretty sure it was a man who actually came up with that term, more and more women these days are exploring the reality of a no strings attached lifestyle. It might be a fantasy for many women, for others it could be a way of moving on after a serious relationship. Some women these days are simply too caught up with their career to get involved. 

I believe however, that the main reason women opt for this routine is because they fear the emotional distress a relationship could put them through. It could be due to a bitter experience or perhaps that of a close friend or family member. All very valid reasons in my opinion.

With men it’s a slightly different situation. The major benefit of a one night stand is that the responsibility ends right there. It literally fades away as the sun rises. Men are also exposed to sexual variety this way. Consider this, why would a man who lives in a city like New York with so many single people and a disproportionate number of them women want to limit himself to just the one? 

That’s exactly what a man would say to himself if he’s in a position to date different women on a regular basis. Obviously there are exceptions, and yes some men just want to avoid getting emotionally involved.

So is there really anything immoral about people living this way? I guess that’s subjective. Myself, I believe everyone should live by their own rules, and not those imposed by society.


  1. You're definitely right about the subjectivity around the morality or immorality of a no-strings-attached approach to life. I also agree that people should be able to live by their own rules, with the caveat that by doing so they're not preventing someone else from living happily. This does not mean that they're responsible for the other person's happiness, just that they shouldn't impede it.

    Personally, I have a hard time with a no strings lifestyle because I can't really picture someone being that truly free of attachments. But, if it works for them and it's not going to keep someone else from being happy on their own, then I don't see the problem.

  2. I find it hard to get involved with a man I have no feelings for, but it does happen occasionally.

    Excellent blog Andrei. You're incredible.

  3. In my situation,every time my boyfriend gives me a present or does any type of housework,there is ALWAYS a string attached.He thinks if he does something for me,I should do something for him(usually sex). He can't just do it out of the goodness of his heart.
    Are there any guys who know how to do something nice for someone without always expecting something in return?
    Please send them my way,
    Thanx Margie

  4. In today's world I think it's accepted that people have an open relationship. I personally prefer being with just one guy if he's the right one.

    I'm loving your blog Andrei. It's almost unbelievable that someone so gorgeous has so much intellect.

  5. People have been having one night stands for centuries.Just the women kept it well hidden.
    It was accepted male behavior.
    Society its a laugh.
    I look at it as who needs the headache of having to put up with someone thats a great lover but stinks as a person.

    Took me long enough.But I finally got here Andrei

  6. Ah, the no strings concept. I'm not entirely convinced there is such a thing. One of my friends is Cherokee. From her, I learned of the concept of threads, like a web which connect us to each other. I've come to believe that these threads do exist and they connect us with all those who come in contact with us throughout our lives.

    To have someone else be that close in contact, whether emotional or not, our experiences lodge in our memories.

    So I guess you'd have to call me an unbeliever when it comes to this whole idea.

    But then I think we all ought to care a little more for each other, not less, whatever we are doing or not doing.

  7. You are a very insightful young man.
    I am enjoying your blog. I have never lived my life by society's rules. I have never pushed anyone into a commitment. My grand children refuse to enter into marriage commitments and It is working just fine for them. (One grand daughter and two grandsons)
    switcherx69 I do know one wonderful man that has never expected anything for kindnesses he has done. Andrei knows him and he is fellow book cover model. Just because these guys look incredibly handsome doesn't mean that they stuck up and self absorbed.

  8. My husband and I are a deeply faithful couple who take other lovers together - always together. I don't buy the 'man is this woman is this' stereotypes. For me, I couldn't have a relationship with anyone who didn't see our partnership as the start of sexual experimentation and adventure - not the end of it. I can't get the types of experimentation done at the level I want with a man I have just met. And straight sex has limits and for me grows dull fast. It takes a lot of deep connection to be able to go out into the world together and try many things. All really experimental sex is this way. In fact everything incredible in life has to be worked for. Faught for.
    This is a wonderful blog and thanks for giving us the chance to talk on this topic.

  9. As they say to each his own, but for me personally I can see both sides to this very controversial subject. When your younger, one tends to be more apt to jump before thinking especially if you're having a hot night on the town without considering how your going to feel the next day. Hey no worries, right! I don't think so. Be honest...The gals (younger) will use sex or one night stands to get to the lovin part, where as the guys will use the lovin to get to the sex part.

    But as you get a little wiser which comes with age and experience in the matters of the heart & sex, one night stands can be great if both parties are in agreement as to...let's just have a little fun, enjoy each other's company for a while and go our seperate ways. Sometimes that's all a person wants or needs, man or woman.

    But, I've found for me that is, that having sex with someone especially a one nighter, while at the time you might feel euphoric for a while, belive me it does fade. You both do get up and go your seperate ways, you might feel on top of the world for a while, and then you might say, oh dear God, what did I do? LOL

    Now if all you wanted was some sexual gratification this is fine if thats the style your after, but I find if we just take it a little slower and at least get to know someone a bit, share some laughs, and let nature take it's course if and when the time comes to take that next step, the sex will be much more meaningful. Actually it can be awesome!

    It may very well be that it will be just a one time thing, but at least you'll both walk away feeling you and that one nighter had the time of your life for a while, and what a memory that can make.

    Andrei, you are a treasure for sure. A man with a brain and actually using it. I do love the blog, I know I've been busy and not been able to get in here a lot and I do apologize. Keep comin clean with the guy thoughts, not to many men would actually do this.

  10. What is acceptable and what is not acceptable in society has changed greatly. I was raised in the era of no sex until marriage. So definetly no one night stands.
    As I get older, the idea of a relationship with no strings attached has a certain appeal. I can have a man in the house and when its time to go our separate ways, it can be done without a lot of hassle.
    Is living together moral? I think that is up to those involved. Maybe starting out with a no strings attached agenda can change into something entirely different.
    I am really enjoying reading your blog, Andrei. Its always nice to have a male perspective on the subjects you have tackled.

  11. As people feign happiness in their desperate attempt to redefine morality to codify their consciences, remember Hell like gravity exists even for those who don't believe in it

  12. I don't think this is immoral at all. Besides, sometimes this is how people find their soulmates.