Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Commitment, a man’s worst fear?

Unfortunately ladies... it’s true, one of men’s worst fears when it comes to romance is emotional commitment. These days it’s even more evident than in previous generations. It seems men now have more personal ambitions and that is why relationships often get pushed down the priority list. It’s a highly competitive world, and to be successful you need to put in some serious time and dedication.

We fear commitment because it suddenly feels like our freedom is about to fade away. A man needs to be independent and know he can make his own decisions in life. He also needs to have space to uphold his personal interests.

So does this mean guys just never want to be emotionally committed? Absolutely not. When the right woman shows up things can become very different. If the chemistry is there then it’s simply a matter of climbing up that priority list. A healthy relationship should never create sudden drastic changes in a man’s life.

Okay so what is the secret for a man to finally commit? Very simple…
You just have to allow him to make the decision.

28 comments:

  1. Very interesting post, Andrei. The paragraph that beings, "We fear commitment because..." holds true for women as well as men, I believe. At least I can attest to that in my own world. I love the last sentence and it reminds me of something my mother told me a long time ago about knowing "when" to let a man feel in control and make decisions. Hm. Perhaps my mother was more wise than I thought. LOL

    mia

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've long heard that for men, commitment isn't so much about the right woman, but about the right time in their lives to take that step. How much credence would you give that idea, if any?

    ReplyDelete
  3. If we had the choice then yes, it would be more about the right time. The things is you can't plan everything in life...

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's good to hear a guy say that... A woman wants to believe a man commits to her because he loves her, not because she was convenient.

    Thanks, Andrei! I'm looking forward to more of your blogs. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Andrei,

    For a realsionship to work it has to be a joint decision and so therefore I disagree. In today's world women *by far* have more personal ambitions than previous generations. A healthy relationship should not create drastic changes in either the man or the woman's lives but rather give and take on both ends and then the blending of lifestyles.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hmmm, I guess I've been doing something right for 22 married and 25 together years, Andrei...I've always let the DH think it was HIS idea to do something. *grin*

    Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  7. LaBelleDameSansRegret429November 13, 2008 at 1:35 PM

    I agree with you, LuAnn. A relationship should be a compliment to a full life. However, they seem to happen at the most random times - just when you least expect them. If a relationship turns a life topsy-turvy, then something's wrong!

    I also believe that people don't commit so easily these days because of the attitude that "something better is around the corner". There's a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction in the dating world today that keeps people from making even the slightest changes in their lives for someone else. People want the whole shebang without any of the work.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Perhaps I need to clarify that last sentence there…

    What I meant is just that a man shouldn’t be pressured, he needs to feel the desire to commit and do it willingly.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You sound too good to be true.Are you for real or just trying to sell your image? I mean you're sooo sexy,charismatic and wise beyond your years.It' hard to believe you are real.

    ReplyDelete
  10. That’s very flattering, thank you.

    I always say (and in this case write) what I believe.

    I know the notion about models, but there’s always an exception to the rule!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have so enjoyed your blog. Yes girls,Andrei is the real thing. I had the privilege to meet him. Some of my favorite pictures from that RT were those of him with my grand daughter. Now there was a hot couple LOL
    I think that pressuring a man to "commit" is just setting up the relationship for failure.
    the same holds true for the woman. true love can't be forced.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi, Andrei,

    Very wise sir and brave to write so sincerely on this subject. As a romance writer who loves writing the male pov, I wish there were more blogs like this.

    There's one point I have to disagree on with you and some of your other readers. To think a relationship shouldn't create drastic changes in your life is a mistake. Commitment to a relationship, by its very definition, requires change.

    Think about it. How can you expect to share a life with someone who has his/her own needs, aspirations and goals without making some adjustments to your own?

    I think the person lucky enough to find someone he wants to share his life with, needs to be prepared for the most drastic changes he'll ever know.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi Andrei. I love the blog. As an aside to swtchx69, he's awesome. I had the great good fortune to meet Andrei at the last RT convention (hi Andrei--I was the lady who won the supermodel reunion dinner and sat with Fabio--after my inarticulate meltdown :)). Not only was Andrei truly gracious (and of course gorgeous), he is one of those genuinely nice people. *hugs*

    As for the "to commit or not to commit" issue, my husband was one of those footloose and fancy free guys. When we met, he had been working his way through the pledge class at my sorority house (1 or 2 dates and on to the next gal). When he got to me, I was clueless that he was seriously interested. I just did my thing and remained true to myself. And he liked that. We got engaged and married inside of 1 year and nobody who knew him believed we were engaged at first. His college buddies pooled money for a ticket and 1 guy flew from FL to OH just to see if I was real. :) But he was determined because he decided he was ready. My hubby actually drove over 120 miles in a blizzard on valentine's day to propose to me. Once he decided to commit, that was it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Great posts, Andrei.
    It's going to be great to read more from you.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Eventually a relationship is bound to create some changes in a man’s lifestyle, however I believe those changes should occur gradually.

    What I said is that a relationship shouldn’t create sudden drastic changes in a man’s life…

    ReplyDelete
  16. LaBelleDameSansRegret429November 14, 2008 at 4:31 PM

    Exactly. It's bad if you start dating and drop! everything! for the other person. It's good if you kinda phase them in. A person should earn the respect, trust, and affection to merit big changes.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm throwing my 2 cents in again. I agree that a relationship shouldn't create drastic change in one's life. Life is all about change but positive change (i.e a committed relationship) should enhance your life, make it richer and more complete (notice I said enhance your life, not you as a person but your life). If a relationship doesn't bring more to your life, then something is wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hello this is my first time here, I believe that there is someone out there for all of us, if we all love with all our hearts, if we dont try to control each other or try to change each other but accept each other for who we are, if we hold onto each other in the ups and downs, love can be a wonderful thing everyone should be able to have someone to love, someone hold them in their arms everyday to be able to grow old with a special someone and take their last breath on earth with the love of their life and it should be for who they are not what they look like or whats in their wallet it should be because they love with their heart give when they can and wouldnt betray your trust

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hello this is my first time here, I believe that there is someone out there for all of us, if we all love with all our hearts, if we dont try to control each other or try to change each other but accept each other for who we are, if we hold onto each other in the ups and downs, love can be a wonderful thing everyone should be able to have someone to love, someone hold them in their arms everyday to be able to grow old with a special someone and take their last breath on earth with the love of their life and it should be for who they are not what they look like or whats in their wallet it should be because they love with their heart give when they can and wouldnt betray your trust

    ReplyDelete
  20. God knows I'm no expert in this relationship thing. Me being single and never been married thing. But a man who cannot commit is ok with me. In fact, I kinda like it. Because then he does not expect the same commitment from me! That means I am free even if I am in a relationship. And I LIKE that very much indeed!!! I am not promiscous, mind. I just like the idea of being free. My present boyfriend just came through a divorce so I'm hoping he is not into commitment yet.

    I think the whole commitment thing is extremely dependent on the parties involved. Obviously a lot of girls like it a lot from their man. But then again, there are some of us who do not. So as I said it depends on the parties involved.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hmmmm....I wonder if the hunkier a guy is, the higher his resistance to commit. If a guy has fewer options, unlike yourself, I'd think, then he is more likely to commit. What do you think?

    ReplyDelete
  22. That's an interesting point… perhaps I should leave it at that.

    ReplyDelete
  23. LaBelleDameSansRegret429November 16, 2008 at 1:22 PM

    Good point, Amber. I think what some men don't realize is that their looks may lose that youthful freshness, just like a woman's. Those are the old guys that hit on college girls at the bar...ick.

    Men who exhibit "hunky" traits often have more testosterone, which makes them want to, er, propagate the species. They go for the instant gratification rather than seeing the long term ramifications. Have fun while you're young...but good luck building something solid with a decent EQUAL (in life experience, finances, career, etc) when you're older and not so hot. Then again, men with power traits often don't want an equal, so there you go.

    It seems desperate and lame to still be a player/playette at a certain point.

    (Disclaimer: I'm not saying that that's you, Andrei, or anyone else here; also, this happens with very attractive women and men, both.)

    ReplyDelete
  24. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Wow, some great views here. Personally, I have always been a person who feels you need to take life one day at a time. Don't get caught up in the "what will happen XX years from now?". If you go into a relationship, enjoying it for what it is that particular day, love will come to you and thus commitment will follow at the right time. But that is what has worked for me. I have been married for 18 years.

    Andrei -- I have enjoyed the blogs thus far and look forward to your views on other matters.

    ReplyDelete
  26. So many times a woman will want to change a man rather than loving him exactly as he is. Our neighbor across the street just got engaged and said, "Now she wants things." I thought, I'll just bet she does. He seems a bit worried. Here he has found the woman he wants to be with for life and she is changing suddenly.

    And that's part of the problem because women will sometimes do that. Some men do it too. Women like to blame men for being commitment phobic but women need to own their part of that issue too.

    How much better it is to grow together, love each other with faults and all, neither feeling pressured to be or do what does not feel natural or right.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I think it is very important to let a man be a man and for him to feel comfortable in his relationship. I think sometimes what happens is woman start to feel like if he doesn't commit then he doesn't really love me, when really he does but we create this crazyness in our heads that eventually pushes him away. I think when we first get into dating someone serious it is fun and flirty and you just enjoy the company... then, and I say this because I know I have done it, we start feeling a little insecure so we create drama and eventually can't figure out what happened. I say, love with your heart open and don't put expectations on anything. Let things happen they way they should.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hi. This is my first time doing this, so please bear with me. My relationship is on the rocks. It seems that it has been a one sided relationship for some time now; me being a driver of the relationship.

    We were in college togather and then he got a scholarship to further his studies while I got a job; a good job. From then onwards things started going sour. Help!!!!

    ReplyDelete