Sunday, April 4, 2010

What’s on the menu?

I assure you this has nothing to do with food, just in case you were wondering what got into me. What I’m going to talk about is the big question “why do men cheat?”

Well it looks like I’ve got your attention now, right? 

Okay, so I’m sure you have asked yourself this question before “Why would men risk losing a perfect relationship for a night with some random girl?” “What is it that drives men to have a secret relationship which then slowly has them drift away?” 
Unfortunately like everything else in life there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Although it might feel like its perfect the truth is that some areas will almost always require some work or adjusting. What many people in a relationship fail to understand and accept is that as time goes by situations may change rather drastically. As responsibilities begin to pour in they find less time for intimacy.

No matter what people say, intimacy is the foundation of every healthy relationship. Unless the chemistry is there the relationship is not going to work. It might of course last for other reasons which I will not elaborate on, but it certainly wouldn’t quite be a cut out from a romance novel. The craving for physical intimacy is instinctive in both men and women, however many couples, particularly those in a long term relationship tend to challenge this instinct and most times attempt to replace it with something else, such as their career.

If that sexual thrill is no longer on the menu unfortunately ladies the outcome is fairly predictable, men will go and search for it elsewhere. It’s essential to always sustain that balance, whether it’s your career or children, time for intimacy is just as important for a healthy relationship.


  1. Thank God I'm an erotic romance author! I agree wholeheartedly< Andrei. People tend to forget to keep the romance in their lives. Without it (meaning sex and sensuality)men and women will seek it where they can find it. There is always another person out there who wants what you take for granted. No matter how much you love someone, you need the close intimacy that makes that pulse pound and that mind and body gear up. After a few years of marriage, many people let the small nagging peeves and the unforgotten arguments step between them, and they lose the intimate love affair that brought them together.

  2. Loved the article. Couldn't agree more. I strongly believe how you start a relationship is how you need to continue it to keep it fresh and new. Trying new things to keep the interest, or having date night. Then there is the always the saying, "When you meet someone for the first time they will send their representative and after the get you is when they show their true self." Great article!

  3. For some men, the lack of intimacy may be the reason they cheat, however it may be the lack of maturity, and/or the true understanding of what roles both partners play in a committed relationship.
    Relationships take work, balance,agreement, and compromise with all facets of life.
    It's just not the woman's responsibility to take care of the children, not always the husbands to make sure the grass is cut.
    It's a balancing act with challenges split between the two, so that appropriate time can be made for each other.
    Love has to be communicated, nurtured, cherished, respected, appreciated, and taken care of. Both parties' needs are important. When we forget this about each other, people begin to think something is missing, and sometimes begin to search for it elsewhere. For too many men(and women),intimacy is the cure all.. People convince themselves that physical satisfaction replaces emotional lack. By the time they realize unattached sex is a termporary fix, they've permanently ruined what they belatedly realize, is truly important to them.

  4. labelledamesansregretApril 4, 2010 at 9:48 PM

    Cheating is also very much about the power dynamic. They have much to lose if they're caught, so it's a huge thrill. If they do end up getting nabbed in the act, it honestly doesn't occur to them that their game playing hurts others.

    I think there's a compartmentalization of thought that cheaters end up indulging in. They shove the moral pains in the back of their minds in order to let their egos explore, and they respond on a very visceral level only. It's very piece-meal and devoid of logic, really.

  5. Well I will never understand why men seek someone else when they have a relationship already. OK, there maybe problems, misunderstanding or loss of romance, etc. But this is not a reason for cheating! I understand that some men or women don't want to find out reasons of their problems, but maybe it's better to part than continue these relationships... Or leave on holidays! Together!

    Leyla Akavova

  6. I think both women and men crave sexual intimacy and when you are in a relationship sometimes those needs are not met. And your right Andrei they then look elsewhere. Not giving the okay to cheat on who your with but sometimes people come in your life for a reason. Some stay some go. I just believe that you never try to hurt someone but things do happen. It's not something just men do. But, as for Tiger Woods, fame, a beautiful wife and kids and he cheated and look who with. That I will never understand but that could be a whole new topic. lol Great blog Andrei! xo

  7. Absolutely, but of course I'm here to talk about men's perspective.

    There isn't just one specific reason why men cheat, but it's always driven by a thirst for a fresh thrill.

    If you look at the recent case of Sandra Bullock you can see the contrast with her husband's mistress. Obviously their sex life wasn't quite fulfilling enough.

    As for Tiger Woods, he did it simply because he could.

  8. Interesting viewpoint, Andrei. I can very well see that happening if the man is not receiving what he needs at home then he would go searching for it elsewhere. I think it also involves the way the man was raised. If he was raised in an environment where infidelity was norm, then yes. The men that do it who wasn't raised this way, are the ones who are tempted beyond their norms. These men, I believe would have some emotion ties to the affair.

    Okay, enough rattling! Thanks for sharing, Andrei!

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  10. Excellent blog, Andrei. Yes, those who look elsewhere and turn to another, do it because they are looking for something they aren't receiving in their current relationship. Maybe it's sexual intimacy, maybe it's emotional intimacy. Though men don't seem to talk about it much, I've always suspected that a man needs emotional intimacy as much as a woman does. Even if he won't admit it.

  11. this is even better than relationship therapy! go on tell us more Andrei

  12. Judith, very well said.

    Andrei, okay let's take this from a man's point of view. Smile!

    Tiger, I agree yes but with so many? Elin would be smart to take the kids and what money and run.

    As for Sandra Bullock, I think it was her husband Jesse James that didn't give her what she needed and he felt he couldn't measure up so he had to play "King" someplace else. lol I think she should dump him too. Sandra can do way better!

  13. Debra,

    Heck yes! lol


    I am sure you will be busy now with giving us some answers! Smile!


  14. These things happen everyday in every part of the world. We obviously only hear about cases like that of Tiger Woods and Sandra Bullock because they're in the public eye.

    Nevertheless it's not justified, and the reasons for their actions are not always clear.

    With Tiger Woods I believe it was about the desire to take control over his own life, and "enjoying the fruits of his success"

  15. Peoples appetites do change over the years. I say if your not happy get out. I am so sick of the Tiger Woods out there playing the poor me card. If your not happy in a relationship end it before you start poking around else where. :-)

  16. The only desire Tiger Woods should have at this point is to take of his wife, kids, & family. lol

    His success in this lifetime is thanks to God & them without it he can have all the money in the world and it means nothing without the ones you love.

    Keep the blogs coming!It let's us all talk about what is going on in the romance world!


  17. Great blog post Andre I loved it.

    It got me thinking after I read it. I think men and women are very similar in their desire for intimacy, but males are genetically hard-wired as hunters so when we find we are not getting something we need we tend to go hunting for it.

    Females, by contrast, are much more focused on nurturing and keeping the family unit whole. That doesn't mean a woman won't cheat or be unhappy when intimacy wanes, just that her proclivities aren't to go hunting.

    Great piece Andre. You really got me thinking.

  18. Andre- Love this post and your perspective on intimacy in a relationship. I totally agree, you have to keep that spark alive and always have those little moments of intimacy, not always are they sexual...

    Thanks for the insight.


  19. Most of the men that I've know over the yrs,either don't know how to be intimate.Sometimes they are afraid to show it.They think being intimate is sex.If they aren't getting sex,then there's no intimacy in the relationship and will go elsewhere.There is a saying that men think with their head(penis) than with their brain.

    It would be nice if more men knew how to be intimate,less cheating would happen for both sexes.Maybe Mr.Romance could give lessons to the guys on romance and intimacy! I'm sure the women will agree with me! 8}

  20. I must be alittle old fashioned.To me,romance is doing something nice for someone.Not expecting anything in return.Maybe leaving a love note hidden somewhere.Just letting the other person know how much he/she means to you.

    Intimacy is like foreplay which doesn't always have to lead to sex.Intimacy can be cuddling on the couch watching tv or a movie.A hot bubble bath and message.

    Sex is not intimacy.You can have sex with anyone just for the simple pleasure of having it.Intimacy is more about the emotional and spritual connection with another person.Which in turn makes sex that much more enjoyable for both partners.When this connection is not there anymore,I believe this is the reason why people cheat,men or women.

    This is just my opinion and is not meant to take the place of a professional point of view.

    Thanx for another wonderful blog that has really given us somethimg to talk about Andrei!You are truly wise beyond your years!

  21. Well in that case we must be both old fashioned, because I totally agree with you on this.

  22. I just found your blog indrectly through Kimberly Kaye Terry's FB page and I must say your topics are awesome. This is my opinion: I have zero respect for a man who cheats! If your man is bored in the bedroom, its his resonsibility to say so. How will your woman know to try to spice things up if you don't give her the opportunity to? Now, if that doesn't work; u should amicably end the relationship, no matter how much it hurts. I would rather a man break up with me than cheat on me and expose me to STD's and betrayal!!! At least then I won't have to scratch his face off for cheating on me!!!

  23. the reason most people (men & woman) cheat is because they are not getting what they need from their current relationship. the rest are just whores

  24. I agree totally with swtchx69. Intimacy doesn't always need to be sex. Just sitting together on the couch cuddling and talking to each other is nice. But when a man withholds intimacy from the person he's in a relationship with, and then says he's not getting what he needs should have his head bashed in. Sorry, my bad. A man can't withhold and expect to get some back. Sometimes I think men cheat because they want what they can't/don't have. They may be perfectly happy with their current relationship and then they meet someone new who needs conquering.