Sunday, March 4, 2012

Set yourself free

So it’s been exactly 494 days since I last wrote in this blog. The reason I decided to write again is possibly very closely related to this topic. You'll have a better understanding of what I'm saying once you've read it all.  

There’s another point I’d like to make before. You probably wonder, or rather feel the topics in this blog may begin to somewhat deviate from the title "It’s All About Romance". I don’t believe that’s the case, and I’ll explain. The term "Romance" according to Wikipedia means, and I quote “The pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love”.  That love is not just about intimacy between two people, it’s also the love for life and one’s self. In other words, being passionate and doing things that leave you satisfied.  

Now to our topic... So we’ve all heard the term set yourself free quite a few times, but how often do we stop and think about its real significance?

Human beings are creatures of habit, and routine seems to provide a sense of stability. The obsession with security and wanting to have the things we believe give us a better quality of life might not allow us to experience, or even explore other opportunities. It’s the fear of change that holds us back, the thought that something could go wrong or not quite work out. Another hindering factor is constantly trying to satisfy other people’s expectations. It’s much more convenient for those around us if we don’t change, because that means they wouldn’t have to change their ways to adapt to the person we have become. Just bear in mind that the ones that truly love you will accept you in any shape or form, as the phrase goes. Meaning as long as you’re happy, they’re happy for you.

Why is it acceptable that a child grows up and changes constantly but not adults?

The truth is a healthy life is one that’s full of change. It’s a trial and error game, where failure is merely a term used to tell us try again. Growing is not about celebrating birthdays, but reinventing ourselves from time to time. So you should be asking yourself who you are and what do you really want more often, rather than being concerned about it. Some traits in us will obviously remain similar, because ultimately we are same person simply going through changes.

So just like a caterpillar getting ready to leave it’s cocoon we need to accept and embrace change in our life, disregard what other people’s perception of that might be, and set ourselves free.   

Perhaps I still haven’t quite made it clear why it took me 494 days to write again in this blog, right? Well, let’s just say I have set myself free and I hope to inspire others to do the same.


45 comments:

  1. Very well said! But often it is difficult to 'set yourself free' when those around you keep 'holding you down!'. All you can do is keep trying!

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  2. Of course it's easier said than done.

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  3. Andrei, good to read from you again. And I can only say: INDEED!
    People won´t accept your changes, you just usually go through, through your life, never have seen you or even accepted you.
    And I agree about the romance issue absolutely ..

    It´s very good pointed I just love it and very good written ...

    Elaine: Never stay with people "holding you down", they are not worth your company - that´´s always the first step - and then the rest comes to you naturally ...

    Hope to read some more some time Andrei
    Stine

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    1. I believe even as adults, we continue to change and evolve based on our life experiences.

      For example, for women, we start our lives as the maiden, children of innocence, youthful enthusiasm without any cares in the world . They are free to make their mistakes as they learn to navigate life.

      Then we transform into the mother. Our time of fertility, sexual fulfillment. Even if we don't have children, it's still a nurturing time in our lives.

      Then finally, we transform into the crone. Now that doesn't mean that we dry up and become little old ladies, but we become this wise woman who has been through many of life experiences to form who we finally become. They are the guides to our younger women.

      As humans, we are creatures of change, just as Summer into Autumn and Winter into Spring.

      It's up to us to learn from each transformation and take that information with us through the next life change.

      Andrei, welcome back to the world of Blogging! We've missed you!

      xoxo
      Annie

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  4. I'm hoping to make some changes in my life and I can totally relate to what Elaine says "holding you down", but in my case I feel my kids are "holding you down". There's so much I would love to do in my life, but commitments hold me back. Hoping to get a better job with more hours, then the kids will have to adapt to me and not the other way around.

    Nice to see you back on here again Andrei

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    1. Remember there's 24 hours in each day, perhaps all you need to do is distribute the time differently? Allowing for more things in your life...

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  5. I loved what you wrote Andrei and it hits home to me on a personal level as I am in mid life change myself at the moment. My role in my life has changed into one of nursemaid for a dying grandfather and though its been hard I feel ive grown as a person for it. Thank you for your words of inspiration my friend

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    1. There's nothing more fulfilling then giving something to others, right?

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  6. I do agree with you, Adults shouldn't be stuck in any situation just because of what others think, We need to grow just like our children !! Its never too late to change, in a relationship or job or whatever the case may be.. life is too short to be somewhere you are not happy to be..if you are not happy with yourself how can you make others happy to be with you ? I too am having a change in my life and its very hard to know what direction to go, so I guess in a way I am that caterpillar getting ready to leave my cocoon...

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    1. Great, because change is good my friend

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  7. I think a lot of us experience changes that we aren't even aware of. For me, learning to accept how my husband perceives me, (regardless of how I see myself) letting go, trusting in him and myself, gave me freedom.

    So when I hear others with low self esteem, I try to coax them into understanding that you must love and respect yourself as a person, then others will do the same. And that too is all about change and making changes in your life.

    And rambling as I do...I think it's wonderful that you've discovered freedom and feel the desire to encourage others. You are a wonderful and caring person. This makes you a rare breed indeed, AC.

    As for not writing in 494 days, the answer is simple, you were busy making changes. :)

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    1. Thanks for reading and sharing your views

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  8. Fantastic :-)
    I shared this on Facebook my friend, hope you don't mind

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  9. This was beautifully written! I totally agree with you on the point of it being more acceptable for children to grow and change, but not adults. I think if we stop allowing ourselves to grow and change, no matter our age, then we become stagnant and reach out less for new opportunities. And this, I feel, is wrong. We should always be open for new possibilities and the opportunity to grow as people - you just never know where it might lead!

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    1. Thank you, Margay. The excitement in life is not knowing what's going to happen next...

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  10. Very well written. I think your right, we do get stuck in our everyday schedules. It sort of keeps things under our control and if we control our environment with a schedule, there is security in knowing what to expect. But in this routine, we forget to stop and smell the roses and by the time you realize it you find those roses are no longer available. I think what you have written is a great reminder for us all to wake up from our everyday routine to enjoy one another, set our souls free and live a little. Many blessings to you. Katelina M. Romano (FB friend)

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    1. Exactly, I guess it's about letting go and allowing our life to unfold

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  11. Andrei, there is much truth in your words and they hit home where they are meant to. Thank you for taking time to share your words and thoughts here. I know there is much you are busy accomplishing. I thought this was the reason you had not posted on your blog for so long. Time is such a precious thing, a little slipping away each day. So valuable and yet we cannot hold it or store it. The saddest thing is when a person fears change, stays stuck in the same pattern for years until the end of their days, never reaching for their dreams, living someone else's idea of what their life should be.

    I think some of what lies within the fear of change is fear that those who love us will no longer love us if we change. In truth sometimes they don't. Sometimes they love the person they want us to be. Or they love the person we used to be. Sometimes they can't see us but see the person they want to see. That can be hurtful. Change sometimes comes with a price that is painful. It's human nature to try to avoid pain instead of stepping forward and moving through it to get to the other side.

    The ones who truly love us are the ones who would be sad to see us living a life that is less than. Less than what we dream of, less than what brings us joy, or any of the other ways a life may be less than. The ways people pass through life instead of fully living it as if they have all the time in the world.

    Today a friend posted this quote on facebook:
    "If you really want to change your life, start immediately." Osho

    Ironic. Or perhaps not ironic, things happening as they should.
    Because we don't have all the time in the world.

    Once upon a time you said this:
    This is your life and it is ending one minute at a time.

    (I collect quotes but I don't always memorize them. This one I did.)

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    1. I agree, and that's why I said "the ones who truly love you will accept (love) you in any shape or form"

      Oh I remember that quote in the blog titled "Nothing is real until it’s gone…" March 2009.

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    2. Hmm March 2009 was a huge turning point for me. More irony (or not) upon reading this, I am not surprised your quote seared into my mind at such a time.

      Thank you Andrei.

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  12. It's very well written and said. I can totally agree with you. As adults, we can expand ourselves if we want to change. As you said, some see it as a comfort zone. But somebody once told me, You can lead a very happy life or a miserable one but its up to you how you choose. So each of us decides id we want to set ourselves free or not.. Right? Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.. I found it very inspiring...

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    1. Indeed, we do tend to always try and find that comfort zone. And having said its not easy to break free from it, but once do life becomes what it's really supposed to be... an adventure on this planet.

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  13. Very well stated. Any relationship worth having is one in which you can grown within yourself. With growth whether it be emotionally, spriritually, physically we have to accept change and embrace it. I truly believe the one reason my husband and I still act like we are on our honeymoon nine yrs into our marriage is because we embrace one another's talents and take chances within our lives. We allow one another to embrace change and give each other "space" to do it. This always gives you something to talk about at the end of the day and keeps each other interesting and passionate with the joy of life! When you are tied down by jealousy, control issues, and insecurities you depleat passion within yourself and within your relationships. This being said it is just my opinion and what works for me. I am passionate about Jesus, my husband, my art and life iteself. Keep writing your blog!!!! It makes one think. May you have a blessed day. Thanks for the invite to read.

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  14. Lets try this with IE:
    Fantastic! Very well said Andrie. I love to read your insights..well thought out. Glad that you're back blogging :)

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  15. Life is all about change. It's always better to embrace it than to fight it--that goes for both life AND change. I'm in my sixties now and my life has been through more changes than I can possibly relate, all of them, eventually, good, even when they weren't especially welcome. Congratulations to you for moving forward into whatever life is bringing your way.

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    1. Definitely, go with the flow rather than trying to swim upstream.

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  16. I've been through my own transion these last few years, getting and staying healthy while I changed my life so I can thrive. All while keeping up with my family and enjoying these last few years I still have my son home with me. And, oh yeah, I've fought every step of the way to keep doing what feeds me--writing--no matter how fierce the battle.

    My blog's moving in a new direction, too, though I talk about a lot of the same writing and publishing and parenting and living topics. It's all about "the soul of the matter" now. What moves us (all of us) to do the things we do, and how to keep that energy positive and motivational, instead of relying on survival instinct to muddle us along.

    I hope the same for you, Andrei, in this newest chapter of your life!

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    1. Thanks. Feel free to post a link to your blog here, Anna.

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  17. I hope you enjoy ALL of what life has to offer! Embrace the change!!

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  18. Hello Andrei! I forgive you a delay, because theme you discussing here is all-time theme. Habits and changes are essential parts of our lives. We can't live without them. We cherish our habits and resist changes in our live, because it's our comfort zone. Because we know our past and we afraid of our unexpected future, and changing means risks, means responsibility and growing. Yes, it's diffucult sometimes, sometimes it hard, but without changes we'd still be living in caves. I don't know about all of you, but I don't like caves. I prefer a good comfortable house. And we all have them now because there were people who didn't afraid to set themselves free and just did their lives better. And ours too. Because they didn't afraid to change, because they knew what I know: changing is for good. Always. I wish you all to set yourself free and just to change your lives for good.

    All the best
    Leyla Akavova

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    1. Good point, Leyla. As for your question, no I wouldn't like to live in cave : )

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  19. As Lent is upon us I think we have to all heal our "brokeness" and move on with change. It's not easy for anyone as we each have our own story. Transtion is hard with anything. You take the good with the bad but always need to think of the postive. Look at how many people's life you have touched in such a great way just winning something as simple as Mr. Romance!I know DCL & I thank you. Smile!And we would do all we can to help you get to that dream you want. Don't wait to post again another 400 days! lol xo Pam

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    1. Thanks Pam. Oh the Mr. Romance was a whole change process in itself. Hardly anyone knows this, but my manager at the time had to really work in order to convince me to move on from the fitness industry and open my eyes to new opportunities.

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  20. Well thank you, Andrei, for once again giving us a piece of yourself and your thoughts. What beautiful heart-filled post. You have romanced me with your words. I look at romance as loving life and yourself. As we all know, you can’t love someone unless you love yourself first. That’s true romance. Thanks again Andrei. I truly LOVE your take on life, my friend.

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    1. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Yvonne.

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  21. I understand what you're saying better than many probably do. In my bio I mention that my theme--the thread that runs through all my novels--is about characters who reinvent themselves. I've done it numerous times myself. I started out to be a fine artist...then became a nurse...then a hypnotherapist...then an interior designer...and for the last ten years, I've been a writer. Now that I'm getting contracts for mass market paperback series, I'm beginning to wonder what's next?

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    1. First off, congratulations on your mass market contracts. We look forward to seeing your books in stores.

      It's possibly all the changes in your life which allow you to be such a great writer.

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  22. I think change is one of the hardest things for people to do and accept. Like shopping at the store, the rack of clothes by the door today will be moved someplace else tomorrow. It's change, and we don't like change, it means a shift in our routines, something that may be uncomfortable to us. Because we all get set in our ways and it's easier that way, and we don't have to think much about it. It's safe. But most times, change is good for all, it brings in new ideas, new places, new things, new thoughts, new ways of doing the day to day living. I do think it's easier to make subtle changes and a little at a time than to just jump right in and change everything at once. Some people aren't afraid of change, and it's easy for them to go with flow or against it.
    I hope nothing but the best for you Andrei and hope the changes you have made will help you get it. :)
    Hugs
    Julianne

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  23. Thanks for you input Julianne. I think everyone has a slight fear of change, it's human nature. Or perhaps until one really begins to see the necessity for it in their life.

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  24. Hello my friend! Sorry so long to respond. However I believe "timing" is everything and this could not have come at a better time. Actually knowing ones self is key to change, then definitely being willing. Even if change in another's life effects yours drastically. Which is precisely what is happening in my life. With my only child moving away with his family to begin a new chapter in their lives, my life is turned upside down...however, I embrace the progression and reason for this, and I am forced to change also. How I respond to this unlocks the bonds that keep me moving along as usual also. So, yeah, being set free is exhilarating, although painful. But progression is the only way we are able to move into our defining moments of life and be the people we are destined to be. Thank you so much for your article! Bravo! Ninja Hugs! xoxoxoxo

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  25. Changes are a part of life either you grow with them or you stay stagnant and begin to smell of the everyday you repeat doing the same thing~right that true love has no eyes it comes from within it doesn't care what you look like~ I believe in living life and not looking past the little things as I go(you have to smell the flowers as they say)

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  26. Change is guaranteed, growth is optional. Everything is always changing, and we can learn and grow from these changes, or we can become stunted.

    I think the desire for security is a reasonable one, but I agree that it often prevents us from living more fulfilling lives.

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