The Devil's Name is Ego

There's no question that the word Ego gets thrown around a lot these days, but how many people actually know what Ego really is?  

 

Now I know what most of you are thinking at this point... is he (me) really going to lecture about Ego? Someone who's made a career out of getting photographed half nude? Well... quite frankly, yes. 

So before jumping to any conclusion that this may be somewhat hypocritical let's go back to my opening sentence. When most people say "he or she has got an Ego" what they believe they are referring to is the person's attitude. American people in particular would in fact often interchange the word, saying "he or she has got an attitude" assuming the two words mean more or less the same thing.

The truth however, is that Ego extends far beyond a person's social demeanor, and is actually a mild form of identity disorder. 

Ego is a personality we create in our minds in an attempt to conceal what we believe are our weaknesses. It is the urge to feel accepted and appreciated by society that gives rise to a person's Ego, and it's not uncommon for this fabricated personality to be almost the opposite of who the person really is deep down. I'm sure you can recall meeting at least one person who you later became friends with, and soon enough discovered they're nothing like what you had anticipated. That is not due to poor character judgement, but merely because that person would have deliberately chosen not to reveal their true personality. 

Now all this may not appear as anything negative, and it's not necessarily, until we begin to identify with our Ego. What that means is, we begin to believe we are our Ego and that is when unhappiness kicks in. This is because we start creating rules in our life that fulfill our Ego rather than us. Our life becomes a journey of reassurance rather than one of experiencing real joy. The reason  so many people feel unsatisfied with their life is because they are not being truthful to themselves in order to fuel their Ego. 

Make no mistake, unlike confidence which indeed contributes to a successful lifestyle, Ego is destructive. Ask yourself this: How often are disagreements between people due to an actual problem? Let's be honest, more often than not arguments are sustained due to Ego. The reluctance to accept that we could be wrong, or the uncompromising desire to have things our way simply because we believe we're worthy of it. 

Ego is the root of most evil, hence the title of this blog post. Learn to let go of your insecurities, embrace who (not what) you really are, and you'll be putting an end to your Ego, an end to the Devil within.  

Fast love

I don't want to go into what George Michael was probably referring to in his song titled "Fastlove", but in a world where almost everything is literally a click away many seem to believe  that love could also be available in that form. 

No, I'm not talking about dating sites, that's a whole different ball game. What I'm saying is that true love cannot be on your "to do" list. 

When love is defined as 'an intense feeling of deep affection' it only stands to reason that time is clearly an important issue in this matter. You cannot develop such an intense feeling overnight, well at least not the kind of feeling that will last, or one that you can call love. 

Yes, we are all equipped with a phenomenal decision making tool called intuition, and nine times out of ten it is the most precise. However, sometimes people's impulsiveness can often override their intuition. 

This is where the problem lies. We live in a world where almost everyone, men and women, have placed their personal ambitions at the forefront. Now although there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, it does tend to affect other areas in one's life. The reason is that we dedicate very little time to anything else, be it family, friends, or intimate relationships. 

So we may believe at times, with all good intentions, that we're relying solely on our intuition, only to find out that it was actually just a spur of the moment. Sometimes we just need to slow things down, it's that simple. 

This particular blog post is dedicated to a good friend, who might hopefully benefit from it in his personal life. 

Happy birthday Joseph!

Set yourself free

So it’s been exactly 494 days since I last wrote in this blog. The reason I decided to write again is possibly very closely related to this topic. You'll have a better understanding of what I'm saying once you've read it all.  

There’s another point I’d like to make before. You probably wonder, or rather feel the topics in this blog may begin to somewhat deviate from the title "It’s All About Romance". I don’t believe that’s the case, and I’ll explain. The term "Romance" according to Wikipedia means, and I quote “The pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love”.  That love is not just about intimacy between two people, it’s also the love for life and one’s self. In other words, being passionate and doing things that leave you satisfied.  

Now to our topic... So we’ve all heard the term set yourself free quite a few times, but how often do we stop and think about its real significance?

Human beings are creatures of habit, and routine seems to provide a sense of stability. The obsession with security and wanting to have the things we believe give us a better quality of life might not allow us to experience, or even explore other opportunities. It’s the fear of change that holds us back, the thought that something could go wrong or not quite work out. Another hindering factor is constantly trying to satisfy other people’s expectations. It’s much more convenient for those around us if we don’t change, because that means they wouldn’t have to change their ways to adapt to the person we have become. Just bear in mind that the ones that truly love you will accept you in any shape or form, as the phrase goes. Meaning as long as you’re happy, they’re happy for you.

Why is it acceptable that a child grows up and changes constantly but not adults?

The truth is a healthy life is one that’s full of change. It’s a trial and error game, where failure is merely a term used to tell us try again. Growing is not about celebrating birthdays, but reinventing ourselves from time to time. So you should be asking yourself who you are and what do you really want more often, rather than being concerned about it. Some traits in us will obviously remain similar, because ultimately we are same person simply going through changes.

So just like a caterpillar getting ready to leave it’s cocoon we need to accept and embrace change in our life, disregard what other people’s perception of that might be, and set ourselves free.   

Perhaps I still haven’t quite made it clear why it took me 494 days to write again in this blog, right? Well, let’s just say I have set myself free and I hope to inspire others to do the same.

Stuck in time

Whether it’s an event in the past or a concern about the future, it is often so hard to come to terms with how ridiculous it truly is to be stuck in time.

Although it’s necessary to have some kind of a plan for the future , and of course at times it can be helpful to refer to the past before taking a decision, we do have to draw a line somewhere. The reason is that while we over analyze what happened or what will happen we are wasting precious minutes, hours or entire days, because unfortunately life doesn’t come with a pause function. Evidently it’s easier said than done,  however it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how important it is to live in the present, leave the past behind and allow the future to unfold.

I have no doubt that almost everyone at some point has experienced getting into a state of utter impatience while waiting for someone or something. The reason we get into that frame of mind is because we begin to speculate and envision what we could be doing in that moment instead of just sitting around wasting time. So how different is it being immersed in a thought which doesn’t allow you to move forward?

One of the fundamental lessons in acting class is to be in the moment, and there’s a very compelling reason for that. Actors work with a script and therefore know exactly where and how each scene ends. So it’s very easy for an actor to move too far ahead because he would be thinking about his next line and how to deliver it, rather than actually listening to what is being said to him and giving a reaction to that.

Similarly in life we could easily be losing out on many things that are happening around us now if we concentrate too much on the future or the past. Sunset implies the ending of each day, while every sunrise is the beginning of a new one, and that’s exactly how it should be perceived.

 

You build a better future by making a better day, everyday.

What’s on the menu?

I assure you this has nothing to do with food, just in case you were wondering what got into me. What I’m going to talk about is the big question “why do men cheat?”

Well it looks like I’ve got your attention now, right? 

Okay, so I’m sure you have asked yourself this question before “Why would men risk losing a perfect relationship for a night with some random girl?” “What is it that drives men to have a secret relationship which then slowly has them drift away?” 

Unfortunately like everything else in life there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Although it might feel like its perfect the truth is that some areas will almost always require some work or adjusting. What many people in a relationship fail to understand and accept is that as time goes by situations may change rather drastically. As responsibilities begin to pour in they find less time for intimacy.

No matter what people say, intimacy is the foundation of every healthy relationship. Unless the chemistry is there the relationship is not going to work. It might of course last for other reasons which I will not elaborate on, but it certainly wouldn’t quite be a cut out from a romance novel. The craving for physical intimacy is instinctive in both men and women, however many couples, particularly those in a long term relationship tend to challenge this instinct and most times attempt to replace it with something else, such as their career.

If that sexual thrill is no longer on the menu unfortunately ladies the outcome is fairly predictable, men will go and search for it elsewhere. It’s essential to always sustain that balance, whether it’s your career or children, time for intimacy is just as important for a healthy relationship.

Shacking up… too soon?

If you live in a fairly conservative community I’m sure you’ve often heard people state that couples should wait until they’re married to live together, but how often do you get valid reason for that? Many claim it’s not quite right, but I could vow that most of those same people don’t even really know why.

Well I’m not one of those people. I believe it’s an important step, and prior to committing any further a couple needs to be sure they can live ‘agreeably’ under the same roof.

There’s a huge difference between dating, no matter how intense it is, and actually living together. Those hours spent alone can really unwind a person and prepare them for another encounter. Perhaps what many people fail to understand is that those hours tend to decrease dramatically when you’re living with your partner. You normally also discover a few traits which were not so evident before. Some that you could like, while others you might not be too keen on.

But then what happens if you simply can’t live with certain incompatibilities? And what if you discover that once you’re already married? Oh that’s right, you live unhappily ever after…

Living together involves a lot of compromise a mature approach. It can also really determine a couple’s faith in my opinion, because whilst many things can be somehow worked out, it’s only realistic to acknowledge that there isn’t quite a solution for every problem in life.

Dial 911… it’s PMS

Let me start by saying this, most men have no clue of what PMS really is. We often hear the word and pretend to know all about it, but the there is nothing quite like it in a man’s lifetime.

So how do men deal with it? How do we handle the hormone outbursts which translate in those rather unpleasant mood swings? Well, I read that the exact causes of PMS are still not fully understood. However the symptoms are clear, tension, irritability, insomnia, anxiety, fatigue… the list goes on and on. Apparently there are over 200 symptoms in total which have been associated to PMS. Personally that tells me it’s a no win situation.

Certainly it is no walk in the park, and I assure you some men must dread that time of month possibly more than their woman. It could also be a relief if you’ve been having unprotected sex of course, but it comes with a price. With many women PMS is not about being extra sensitive, it’s more along the lines of IMPOSSIBLE. So anyway, most men have come up with an antidote or rather a defense mode. A very simple method really, you just have to respond positively when necessary.

It is like that SLEEP mode on your computer, which takes up very little power and it is not quite processing anything.

Sometimes it stops, sometimes it flows… but that is how love goes

Although the L word gets thrown around a lot in relationships, the truth is that love tends to go through somewhat of a pattern. One day it feels really intense while another day it seems to fade away. Women would rarely admit this during the relationship because they fear it might trigger off a break-up, but many times it’s rather evident. That doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is going downhill, however if it occurs frequently then it’s probably a different story.

It is a sensitive subject and is not often the topic of discussion. In fact it is almost like a secret everyone tries to keep to themselves. Sometimes we find ourselves absorbed with personal issues, other times we might disagree on something and argue relentlessly, or else we may simply feel like we need our own space for a while. During such times it’s not easy to deal with intimacy. There’s only so much we can take in at once, and if we’re caught up in thought, be it a personal problem or a recent argument it can definitely hinder the feelings we have towards our significant other.

Perhaps it just doesn’t seem rational to most people how feelings can appear to change so drastically in such a short time. There are things in life which we just cannot always grasp, but sometimes you have to accept them the way they are and move on.

Oceans Apart

There's no question that relationships these days have somewhat evolved, but have they become easier, more interesting, or simply complicated?

People have different views on this, but when a couple is geographically separated there are few directions the relationship can go. It either builds up strength or completely collapses. Time is normally what determines the faith of any relationship. However I believe it is completely wrong for people to say that once they’re distant from their significant other things get out of control. We have control on every decision we take and every move we make. So why blame it on the ocean?

Perhaps for some it becomes a convenient excuse without really having to reveal their true motive. Distance is not always easy to deal with but certainly not impossible. If a couple is individually in doubt then more often than not it will just be a memory by sunset. Whereas a proper understanding of what each person involved is truly looking for can make it through the roughest seas.

Priorities…

Well we have all heard this word over and over, but how often do we stop and contemplate the priorities in our life? What are the fundamentals and what should be on the top of our priority list?

Many people claim to have different priorities in their life but then very few people seem to be totally satisfied if their love life is lacking. So what does that tell you, shouldn't love really be the priority?

We all go through stages in our life and it’s very often a cycle, however I feel many people, especially those involved in somewhat of a long term relationship tend to place their love life on the back burner way too often. This is predominantly a guy thing, but not exclusively.

Many times the dispute seems to be over the fact that men claim they have a responsibility to provide a living for themselves and their significant other. Although it is essential to have a decent income to live well it becomes a little pointless when the process of generating that income is shattering everything else in your life.

So what is the secret to live a good all round life? The secret is learning what’s really important to you. Discovering what really makes a difference to your everyday life and placing them on the top of your priority list. I guess it’s really a matter of striking a balance.

Woman’s best friend?

So what’s happened to simply going out and buying a new handbag and a pair shoes after a break-up? It seems nowadays women are seeking comfort in slightly larger accessories.

There’s no question that for most women a break-up can be hard to deal with. While some tend to almost immediately bounce onto some other guy, many others make use of this time to discover themselves, some take that discovery process a step further and go through an entire wardrobe transformation and often also change their ride.

It would very prejudiced to say that this is a woman’s thing though, matter of fact numerous men give extreme importance to the car they drive, and it’s certainly not because they want to ensure a comfortable ride wherever they go. The reason is that some men believe others could possibly envision the car they drive as an extension to their personality. More often than not of course this couldn’t be further from the truth. Cars these days are almost like shields for many people, used to protect the vulnerable and insecure person beneath.

People in general are competitive in their everyday life, and every man and woman likes attention, particularly from the opposite sex. What most fail to understand is that the way you work for that attention is not in the office or at a construction site, but by developing a well rounded person who’s confident and ready to confront the world.

Summer lovin’

So what is it with summer that revives romance? Could it just be the warmer climate that sometimes makes us react in a different manner?

There’s something sensual about being on a beach, and it’s not just the weightless clothing, but perhaps it’s more about being in an all natural environment which for many has become somewhat of a rare thing these days.

Somehow in summer people tend to turn to the simpler things in life, and it’s quite evident that almost everyone finds this season more pleasant in spite of the extreme temperatures certain parts of the world experience. Summer is a time which is all about the outdoors and with a little thought and planning can be a very romantic time of year.

It’s that connection with nature which often amplifies the romance. This is why so many people envision their honeymoon or romantic escape on some remote island surrounded with palm trees, cliffs and beautiful beaches. In a way it’s going back to basics, forgetting about all the high rise buildings which include all amenities possible, luxury cars, cellular phones and everything else we have become addicted to.

Sometimes you need to remind yourself that it’s all about romance…

Opposites attract

You’ve probably heard this over and over again, but do opposites really attract? Does this statement make any sense at all?

Perhaps it’s true in some cases but it’s definitely not the rule. What happens often is that curiosity overrides our true emotions and drives people to venture into something which seems interesting or mysterious. It rarely lasts a lifetime, in fact I believe more often than not it’s very much a temporary thing which eventually fades away.

There’s no question that it is human nature to explore and discover, however when it comes to relationships on daily basis it is crucial that a couple does share similar interests in some way or another. There’s enough compromise between a man and a woman under normal circumstances, let alone when they are seen as opposites. Simple things such as following a similar diet plan or a regular exercise regime can make life a lot more pleasant and easier.

How can you possibly merge two completely different lifestyles? Unless someone decides to change I’m bound to believe it will only last as long as the initial attraction does.

Work it out

Alright so let me begin by saying this is not about getting in shape for the summer or anything like that. What I’m talking about here is making the effort to work around a relationship that sometimes may find itself going downhill.

We all like to envision a life which somewhat mimics a romance novel, however we also need to understand that there are external factors in life which sometimes disturb our prime instinct. Many people experience a substantial amount of anxiety in their everyday life which could very easily influence their mood and often produce impulsive behavior. That’s just human nature I guess, but nevertheless it should be controlled.

Since we cannot always be pro-active and determine our next move we need to at least learn to recognize our mistakes, and of course rectify. That is what will really get us through the day. It is a fact that relationships are not always easy to maintain. Problems arise sometimes and things could get complicated, however there are also many instances where we find ourselves complicating matters and creating problems for no valid reason.

The truth is a relationship can be very simple. If there is significant chemistry between two people, and of course the situation still makes sense then there really is nothing else to it. Occasionally perhaps you go through some rough times, but you work it out and you move on …and just like a romance novel, you both live happily ever after.

A matter of time?

People say you need to allow a relationship time to really understand its value. So just how much time is needed then?

In a city like New York where nobody wastes a single minute you learn that our time really is precious. A survey carried out in the United States revealed that over 30% of marriages take place after a couple dates for 1 to 2 years. 15% occur after dating for less than 1 year, and almost 20% after 6 months or less. After reading these statistics many will probably argue that it’s no wonder the divorce rate in America is so high. This same survey also disclosed that over 73% of these couples lived together before getting married.

Yes I believe that every relationship is different, but furthermore that is because we tend to change throughout the years. We discover more about ourselves, what we like and dislike. We understand our boundaries, what is acceptable to us and what is not. It is a combination of strong chemistry along with somewhat of a methodological assessment.

The physical attraction is not enough, we need to also be practical when we evaluate our compatibility. In a way it is like using a risk meter to measure the odds. The potential of a relationship to some extent can be established within weeks, provided both are honest and obviously spend a reasonable amount of time together.

Making the move

It’s almost a rule that a man should take the first step towards a woman. Similarly it’s as though some consider it an indignity for a woman to approach a man she is attracted to.

Well in ancient Rome and many other civilizations women had practically no rights over their children or themselves. Women could never overrule what their husband would say, even in the decision of whether or not to have children.

Things have clearly changed now in most countries, however the custom somehow still seems to exist although in a much more lenient form. Most women are still not comfortable expressing their sexuality in public, and it seems like it is still somewhat of an exception for a woman to make her move on a man.

Women want to be desired and one reason they hold back is the assumption that they would appear less available. What some fail to understand though is that sometimes unless they make that move nothing will ever transpire. The potential of a relationship is not always evident to a man, especially someone who is looking to avoid that commitment.

There’s no question that it requires some self confidence for a woman to walk up to a man she finds attractive, and even if it only lasts one night I assure you the impression will live on.

Nothing is real until it’s gone…

It’s a sad reality that people tend to take so much for granted in life. Yes we are living in a fast and competitive world, but now does that justify anything?

The truth is routine gives people a sense of security, however it is that very same routine which creates a disregard for certain things in life. When something is fresh we almost give our undivided attention, a few weeks or months go by and we hardly acknowledge anymore. Relationships evidently are no exception.

I could come up with a number of different reasons why this occurs, but I have no question that there is one way of really knowing what something means to us. Sometimes it might just be too late, but when something is not around anymore we suddenly begin to evaluate what we had. It does not have to be a separation or divorce to learn the value of a relationship. Living distant temporarily can bring out the real emotions and help discover an aspect you have not quite seen or experienced before.

So it really is about learning to appreciate everything we have this very moment. Not tomorrow or even in an hour, but right now. This is your life and it is ending one minute at a time.

Love on 5th Avenue

I was walking down 5th avenue a few minutes ago when out of the blue I found myself asking "Can people really find love around here?"

With a population density of almost 67,000 people per square mile Manhattan is a place where variety is certainly not lacking. There are thousands of people walking across town every day. Here you will come across every possible look and style… but is it really just about finding the look or style that you consider attractive?

As much as I like living here in New York City the truth is everyone in this place seems to be searching for fame and fortune rather than just a pleasant and prosperous life. It appears that many struggle simply to get by each day, and if they get laid off work it might just be a matter of time before they get evicted.

So how could people expect to find genuine love in this joint?

Whether they live in denial or simply accept the reality for what it is I believe at some point everyone wants to experience a true romance and discover that person who will change their world.

They call Manhattan the city that never sleeps, perhaps that is because none dares to ever close their eyes and set themselves free for one minute.

Looking for your soulmate?

Well listen to this, there are web sites claiming they can help you find your soulmate. A psychic will apparently cast a spell which will speed up the process of finding your soulmate, and all this for as little as $25. It might sound hilarious at first, but when you see that individuals like this are still in business it can become somewhat of a concern.

Many people seem to believe that their soulmate is lingering somewhere, and that it is only a matter of time for them to meet. But what exactly is a soulmate anyway?

The concept of a soulmate actually goes back to the belief in reincarnation. It is someone that supposedly you have encountered and loved in many different lifetimes. It is for this reason that the very first time you meet them in this life you feel as though you have known them forever. There is a mystical déjà vu energy right from the start.

So how far off is your interpretation of a soulmate now?

The idea most people have is that a soulmate is simply a person they are a 100% compatible with. Someone they can feel totally comfortable having around in any situation and setting.

I guess what many are missing is the fact that people change throughout the years. That is not necessarily a negative thing but every relationship is bound to go through a few rough patches. It is the way you decide to deal with it that makes it work or fall apart. Soulmates or not a relationship will always require dedication to keep it going. Yes character compatibility is crucial for a healthy relationship, and I believe everyone could find somebody who can understand them more. However you have to be realistic and know you cannot expect others to read your mind at all times.

Is cupid still alive?

So Valentine’s Day comes along and suddenly every couple is supposed to act like they’ve just been struck by love. As though nothing else matters anymore other that their partner.

You ask most women and they’ll tell you Valentine’s Day is special, but none will really give you a reason why. Men on the other hand will tell you it’s a day like any other and don’t see what all the fuss is about.

Saint Valentine was supposedly a priest who during the third century in Rome secretly performed marriages for young lovers in a time when it was prohibited by the Emperor. He was sentenced to death when these actions were later discovered.

So how are people interpreting this day? What has going out for a romantic dinner got to do with all this? 

Well here’s what I believe. Women generally put a lot more effort into relationships, and often have a hard time keeping that anticipation alive. Saint Valentine’s is a great day to revitalize what might have somewhat faded away throughout the previous months. So in a way it's almost as though the couple are discreetly renewing their vows.

Now although I personally don’t see why one should wait for February 14 to express some affection it’s a good day to assess what’s happening in the romance department. Therefore planning that romantic dinner or perhaps just some quality time is probably quite beneficial after all.