The Devil's Name is Ego

There's no question that the word Ego gets thrown around a lot these days, but how many people actually know what Ego really is?  

 

Now I know what most of you are thinking at this point... is he (me) really going to lecture about Ego? Someone who's made a career out of getting photographed half nude? Well... quite frankly, yes. 

So before jumping to any conclusion that this may be somewhat hypocritical let's go back to my opening sentence. When most people say "he or she has got an Ego" what they believe they are referring to is the person's attitude. American people in particular would in fact often interchange the word, saying "he or she has got an attitude" assuming the two words mean more or less the same thing.

The truth however, is that Ego extends far beyond a person's social demeanor, and is actually a mild form of identity disorder. 

Ego is a personality we create in our minds in an attempt to conceal what we believe are our weaknesses. It is the urge to feel accepted and appreciated by society that gives rise to a person's Ego, and it's not uncommon for this fabricated personality to be almost the opposite of who the person really is deep down. I'm sure you can recall meeting at least one person who you later became friends with, and soon enough discovered they're nothing like what you had anticipated. That is not due to poor character judgement, but merely because that person would have deliberately chosen not to reveal their true personality. 

Now all this may not appear as anything negative, and it's not necessarily, until we begin to identify with our Ego. What that means is, we begin to believe we are our Ego and that is when unhappiness kicks in. This is because we start creating rules in our life that fulfill our Ego rather than us. Our life becomes a journey of reassurance rather than one of experiencing real joy. The reason  so many people feel unsatisfied with their life is because they are not being truthful to themselves in order to fuel their Ego. 

Make no mistake, unlike confidence which indeed contributes to a successful lifestyle, Ego is destructive. Ask yourself this: How often are disagreements between people due to an actual problem? Let's be honest, more often than not arguments are sustained due to Ego. The reluctance to accept that we could be wrong, or the uncompromising desire to have things our way simply because we believe we're worthy of it. 

Ego is the root of most evil, hence the title of this blog post. Learn to let go of your insecurities, embrace who (not what) you really are, and you'll be putting an end to your Ego, an end to the Devil within.  

Fast love

I don't want to go into what George Michael was probably referring to in his song titled "Fastlove", but in a world where almost everything is literally a click away many seem to believe  that love could also be available in that form. 

No, I'm not talking about dating sites, that's a whole different ball game. What I'm saying is that true love cannot be on your "to do" list. 

When love is defined as 'an intense feeling of deep affection' it only stands to reason that time is clearly an important issue in this matter. You cannot develop such an intense feeling overnight, well at least not the kind of feeling that will last, or one that you can call love. 

Yes, we are all equipped with a phenomenal decision making tool called intuition, and nine times out of ten it is the most precise. However, sometimes people's impulsiveness can often override their intuition. 

This is where the problem lies. We live in a world where almost everyone, men and women, have placed their personal ambitions at the forefront. Now although there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, it does tend to affect other areas in one's life. The reason is that we dedicate very little time to anything else, be it family, friends, or intimate relationships. 

So we may believe at times, with all good intentions, that we're relying solely on our intuition, only to find out that it was actually just a spur of the moment. Sometimes we just need to slow things down, it's that simple. 

This particular blog post is dedicated to a good friend, who might hopefully benefit from it in his personal life. 

Happy birthday Joseph!

Set yourself free

So it’s been exactly 494 days since I last wrote in this blog. The reason I decided to write again is possibly very closely related to this topic. You'll have a better understanding of what I'm saying once you've read it all.  

There’s another point I’d like to make before. You probably wonder, or rather feel the topics in this blog may begin to somewhat deviate from the title "It’s All About Romance". I don’t believe that’s the case, and I’ll explain. The term "Romance" according to Wikipedia means, and I quote “The pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love”.  That love is not just about intimacy between two people, it’s also the love for life and one’s self. In other words, being passionate and doing things that leave you satisfied.  

Now to our topic... So we’ve all heard the term set yourself free quite a few times, but how often do we stop and think about its real significance?

Human beings are creatures of habit, and routine seems to provide a sense of stability. The obsession with security and wanting to have the things we believe give us a better quality of life might not allow us to experience, or even explore other opportunities. It’s the fear of change that holds us back, the thought that something could go wrong or not quite work out. Another hindering factor is constantly trying to satisfy other people’s expectations. It’s much more convenient for those around us if we don’t change, because that means they wouldn’t have to change their ways to adapt to the person we have become. Just bear in mind that the ones that truly love you will accept you in any shape or form, as the phrase goes. Meaning as long as you’re happy, they’re happy for you.

Why is it acceptable that a child grows up and changes constantly but not adults?

The truth is a healthy life is one that’s full of change. It’s a trial and error game, where failure is merely a term used to tell us try again. Growing is not about celebrating birthdays, but reinventing ourselves from time to time. So you should be asking yourself who you are and what do you really want more often, rather than being concerned about it. Some traits in us will obviously remain similar, because ultimately we are same person simply going through changes.

So just like a caterpillar getting ready to leave it’s cocoon we need to accept and embrace change in our life, disregard what other people’s perception of that might be, and set ourselves free.   

Perhaps I still haven’t quite made it clear why it took me 494 days to write again in this blog, right? Well, let’s just say I have set myself free and I hope to inspire others to do the same.

Stuck in time

Whether it’s an event in the past or a concern about the future, it is often so hard to come to terms with how ridiculous it truly is to be stuck in time.

Although it’s necessary to have some kind of a plan for the future , and of course at times it can be helpful to refer to the past before taking a decision, we do have to draw a line somewhere. The reason is that while we over analyze what happened or what will happen we are wasting precious minutes, hours or entire days, because unfortunately life doesn’t come with a pause function. Evidently it’s easier said than done,  however it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how important it is to live in the present, leave the past behind and allow the future to unfold.

I have no doubt that almost everyone at some point has experienced getting into a state of utter impatience while waiting for someone or something. The reason we get into that frame of mind is because we begin to speculate and envision what we could be doing in that moment instead of just sitting around wasting time. So how different is it being immersed in a thought which doesn’t allow you to move forward?

One of the fundamental lessons in acting class is to be in the moment, and there’s a very compelling reason for that. Actors work with a script and therefore know exactly where and how each scene ends. So it’s very easy for an actor to move too far ahead because he would be thinking about his next line and how to deliver it, rather than actually listening to what is being said to him and giving a reaction to that.

Similarly in life we could easily be losing out on many things that are happening around us now if we concentrate too much on the future or the past. Sunset implies the ending of each day, while every sunrise is the beginning of a new one, and that’s exactly how it should be perceived.

 

You build a better future by making a better day, everyday.

What’s on the menu?

I assure you this has nothing to do with food, just in case you were wondering what got into me. What I’m going to talk about is the big question “why do men cheat?”

Well it looks like I’ve got your attention now, right? 

Okay, so I’m sure you have asked yourself this question before “Why would men risk losing a perfect relationship for a night with some random girl?” “What is it that drives men to have a secret relationship which then slowly has them drift away?” 

Unfortunately like everything else in life there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Although it might feel like its perfect the truth is that some areas will almost always require some work or adjusting. What many people in a relationship fail to understand and accept is that as time goes by situations may change rather drastically. As responsibilities begin to pour in they find less time for intimacy.

No matter what people say, intimacy is the foundation of every healthy relationship. Unless the chemistry is there the relationship is not going to work. It might of course last for other reasons which I will not elaborate on, but it certainly wouldn’t quite be a cut out from a romance novel. The craving for physical intimacy is instinctive in both men and women, however many couples, particularly those in a long term relationship tend to challenge this instinct and most times attempt to replace it with something else, such as their career.

If that sexual thrill is no longer on the menu unfortunately ladies the outcome is fairly predictable, men will go and search for it elsewhere. It’s essential to always sustain that balance, whether it’s your career or children, time for intimacy is just as important for a healthy relationship.

Shacking up… too soon?

If you live in a fairly conservative community I’m sure you’ve often heard people state that couples should wait until they’re married to live together, but how often do you get valid reason for that? Many claim it’s not quite right, but I could vow that most of those same people don’t even really know why.

Well I’m not one of those people. I believe it’s an important step, and prior to committing any further a couple needs to be sure they can live ‘agreeably’ under the same roof.

There’s a huge difference between dating, no matter how intense it is, and actually living together. Those hours spent alone can really unwind a person and prepare them for another encounter. Perhaps what many people fail to understand is that those hours tend to decrease dramatically when you’re living with your partner. You normally also discover a few traits which were not so evident before. Some that you could like, while others you might not be too keen on.

But then what happens if you simply can’t live with certain incompatibilities? And what if you discover that once you’re already married? Oh that’s right, you live unhappily ever after…

Living together involves a lot of compromise a mature approach. It can also really determine a couple’s faith in my opinion, because whilst many things can be somehow worked out, it’s only realistic to acknowledge that there isn’t quite a solution for every problem in life.

Dial 911… it’s PMS

Let me start by saying this, most men have no clue of what PMS really is. We often hear the word and pretend to know all about it, but the there is nothing quite like it in a man’s lifetime.

So how do men deal with it? How do we handle the hormone outbursts which translate in those rather unpleasant mood swings? Well, I read that the exact causes of PMS are still not fully understood. However the symptoms are clear, tension, irritability, insomnia, anxiety, fatigue… the list goes on and on. Apparently there are over 200 symptoms in total which have been associated to PMS. Personally that tells me it’s a no win situation.

Certainly it is no walk in the park, and I assure you some men must dread that time of month possibly more than their woman. It could also be a relief if you’ve been having unprotected sex of course, but it comes with a price. With many women PMS is not about being extra sensitive, it’s more along the lines of IMPOSSIBLE. So anyway, most men have come up with an antidote or rather a defense mode. A very simple method really, you just have to respond positively when necessary.

It is like that SLEEP mode on your computer, which takes up very little power and it is not quite processing anything.